When you try to quit smoking you get the nicotine patch. When you’re trying to quit heroin you take small doses of morphine.

Maybe Sam should get a Lindsay patch to help her quit the Lohan. Cold turkey isn’t working, nor are restraining orders, because Ronson was out for lunch with Lindsay for Lindsay’s 23rd birthday this week.

The Lindsay Lohan patch would be 2″x2″ square cut out of leggings with the medicinal ingredients of cocaine, self-loathing, a food stamp, crusty jizz and Red Bull and would be held into place with some adhesive spray tan. Late at night when Sam looks out the window and sees Lindsay hanging outside her house like a stray dog she can put on the patch and cut herself loose from the Lindz.

Stacey: Getting over someone is hard.  Especially when you are addicted to trying to fix them, like Sam is to Lindsay.  I heard somewhere it takes a good 6 months to truely get over someone.  And thats if you never see them.  Sam has a long road ahead of her.

But in the mean time, she needs to get rid of that Skynyrd t-shirt…she is giving us REAL Lynyrdf Skynyrd fans a bad name…