(Pic: drfunkenberry.com)

Oh baby.  You know how we all have been wondering what the heck John Mayer saw in Jessica Simpson.  Aside from the obvious…her giant rack?  Because lets assume that John, a fairly talented musician, is somewhat intelligent.  And lets assume that Jess, a fairly generic musician, is as dull as we all think she is.  What could John possibly enjoy about Jessica?  Well wonder no more, my friends!  For John, the ever humble and modest gentleman that he is, has let us all in on the little secret in this months Playboy magazine.

Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say …..It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*****’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.

Well, that’s…vivid.  And suprising.  Who knew Jess had it in her?  Suddenly she has become much more interesting to me.

And while this may repulse most of you (I mean, honestly, could you imagine someone saying this about you in a magazine that millions of people read?), it makes me just want him more…I am a sick, sick person.

And poor Jess.  Even with what we can only assume is a hypnotic vagina, she still can’t keep a man…at least she still has her jean collection.

Tanya: Stacey, I think you might need a John Mayer intervention because this is not hot at all.

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