I Smell Smut

According to In Touch (insert eye roll here):

“Jessica has had a crush on Ryan for ages,” a friend explains. “They’re planning to get together soon.”

Haha, not sure what “friend” spilled the beans on this one but it sounds a little suspect to me. BUT gossip is the name of our game so lets roll with it.

Ryan might not be the best partner, but he’s hot. Jess might not be the best thinker, but she’s hot too. Therefore, this is a grade A match!

Some of the gossip sites are talking about Rachel McAdams & Jake Gyllenhaal hooking up after they presented together at the Oscars. Clarification: they didn’t actually hook up (that we know of) but there’s talk that they should hook up. I’m going to jump on board with this one. They’d be super cute

Stacey: These two would instantly be my top fav celeb couple.  Too much cuteness!  And we want good things for them don’t we?  They have both had their hearts broken.  Don’t we want them to find happiness?  Seriously, they would be perfect together!  Did you see this link on Lainey?  With a video where Jake was holding her purse while they were talking to someone from Oprah’s show?  Please!  I almost died from the sweetness.

(Pic: students.ou.edu.com, source Celebitchy)

I am the first to admit that I was not a Harry Potter fan.  I fought and fought against reading that collection of books because it really isn’t my thing.  And Tanya and my best friend Fionna kept telling me…you have to read them!  Finally, FINALLY, I gave into Harry Potter.  I finished the Sorcerers Stone and am almost finished The Chamber of Secrets.  And they are SO good!  Like, the best books I have ever read.  Really.

And as everyone here knows, I am a Twilight fan.  Loved reading those books.  Well, actually, it was more of a love hate/thing.  Because really, they are terribly written books.  I am not saying they are terrible books, no, as there is clearly something about those books that is enjoyable and great, but are they well written?  That’s debatable.  And truthfully, not even close to being in the same category as Potter.

Which is why this story makes me laugh.

Apparently, people at the Oscars asked JK Rowling (Potter) and Stephanie Meyer (Twilight) to present together.  Of course Steph jumped at the opportunity (of course she would!  This is the same woman that needed to have a cameo in her own damn movie).  But JK declined, stating that the world ““won’t be hearing from me often I am afraid, as pen and paper is my priority at the moment.”

And while I am sure that it wasn’t meant as an insult, I am going to assume that it is.  Because why on earth would JK Rowling want to present anything with Stephanie Meyer.  Rowling who produces literary gold, and Meyer who basically writes romance novels with vampires and werewolves (I’m sorry but its true!).

So lets pretend that JK thinks that Stephanie is beneath her.  Its more fun that way, isn’t it?

Tanya: There is absolutely no debate about the Twilight books being well written. They’re not. They are engaging, but they are not well written. I read the Harry Potter series immediately after reading the Twilight series and I think after every chapter I said “this book is AMAZING!”. Had I read Harry Potter first I probably wouldn’t have made it through the cheesy teen romance novel.

Stacey, you should read the Dead Until Dark series next. It puts Twilight into perspective even more. And it’s a good series

Justin Bieber is some teen heart throb from Toronto (or so I hear) and it sounds like he’s starting a beef with Sean Puffy Combs.

“He said when I turn 16 he was going to give me his Lamborghini. But we all know Diddy’s not gonna give me his Lamborghini. He’s all talk.”

I’d like to see this become some big rivalry with Justin & Puffy writing songs about how they’re gonna get each other. Diddy can write a song about doing Bieber’s mom and Justin can retaliate with a song about making out with Justin Dior, Diddy’s son. More likely it will just be back and forth statements to the press made out to be a running joke that is actually just drawn out publicity.

Is it wrong of me to want to see a Diddy v. Bieber show down? A 16 yr old vs. a 40 yr old who are both probably more concerned with damage to their face than actually striking their opponent. Puffy’s entourage would step in a stop it. *Sigh*

Stacey: Seriously, who IS this kid?  This is the current heart throb?  When I was that age I was in love with…who was I in love with at 16?  I can’t think of the top of my head but I am fairly certain it was some hot rocker or a manly actor….this kid looks like he hasn’t even hit puberty yet.

But I still think he could kick Diddy’s ass.

Tanya: I think I was into Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Scott Wolfe at that age. lol, JTT was such a cutie!

Stacey: Totally!  I wonder what he is up to now?

(pic: Socialite Life)

(Source: Celebitchy, Pic: bittenandbound.com)

You know, as much as Megan Fox likes to flaunt her business all over the world, I actually believe this peice of information.  She recently did an interview with the UK Harpers Bazaar and had this to say:

I’ve only been with two men my entire life,” …. “My childhood sweetheart and Brian [Austin Green]. I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.

Being a sex symbol and being slutty are two completely different things.  Look, I think Megan is gorgeous.  But I also think she is painfully insecure.  Which leads me to believe that she probably hasn’t slept with tons of people.  And I often think that her outlandish behaviour is a cover up to the really person she is, which is an inexperienced young woman putting out to the world what she thinks they want to see. 

She is 23 years old and has been with Brian Austin Green since she was like 19.  And its not like we have seen her out with all these other guys.  We have only seen her date B.A.G. (hehe, his initials are BAG).

While many people aren’t going to believe her, I think I am going to back Megan on this one.  Just because you put a certain image out there, doesn’t mean thats who you really are.

(Pic: thebsreport)

This is pretty much the worst story that I have heard in a while.

Since Michael Jackson passed away his three children have been living with their Grandmother and some of their cousins.  Apparently, Jermaine Jackson’s 13 year old son, Jaafar (like from Aladdin?) purchased a stun gun over the internet.  He then intended to use it on Michael’s youngest son, Blanket.

Seriously.

What on earth would possess a kid to want to stun gun another kid?  Hasn’t poor Blanket been through enough and now his cousins want to taser him?  I can only imagine that this house, which apparently has 8 of the grand kids in it, is much like a school, with the “cool” kids picking on the losers, thinking up cruel and unusual things to do to one another.

Thank goodness that Child Protective Services was able to get involved before this stun gun was put to use.  One of our friends had one and all our guy friends (including my husband) took turns doing it to one another.  Yes, grown men tasered each other.  But these are grown ass man, 180 to 200 lbs.  And it dropped them.  Could you imagine if this had been used on a child?

And how on earth are you able to order these things over the internet?

Tanya: I’m not gonna lie, I probably would have tasered my cousin’s when I was a kid if I had the chance. And I definitely would have tasered my brother. No hard feelings bro, but I’m sure you would have done the same.

But we didn’t have any credit cards as kids so we couldn’t order taser guns online.

Disney’s Aladdin came out in 1992 and I’m guessing Jaafar was born in 1996 so yeah, he was totally named after that. Who names their kid after the villain? That would be like having a kid today and naming him “Voldemort”.

This is so great. Angelina Jolie is turning Shiloh into a boy by forcing her to wear boy clothes and calling her “John”.

This makes me want to work for Life & Style. Seriously. Mindless banter & gossip is one thing but ridiculous & outlandish “factual statements” from an actual publication are another. You know what I’d write about I Smell Smut? “Stacey & Tanya don’t just argue like an old married couple – they really are married! Stacey wants out but can’t bear to break the news. Tanya is secretly carrying Stacey’s love child!”

Stacey: Lol.  That is pretty funny.  I like the one where you are carrying my love child.  Although I am trying to figure out exactly how that would work. 

This is the part of gossip blogging and rag mags that gets to me.  Its one thing to write things about her parents, its another to write mean things about her.  I think she looks cute.  And I am sure that Brad and Angie are great parents.  Just because she isn’t wearing a dress doesn’t make her a boy or mean that she wants to be a boy or that Angie is making her a boy.  And as much as I dislike Angie, why is it her fault?  Totally outrageous. 

I want to know who dresses Reese Witherspoon and I want to hire them. Here he is at the launch of a new Vera Wang store looking phenominal.

Check out the photo of her and Renee Zellweger. Next to Reese Witherspoon, Renee looks emaciated (OK, she always looks like she’s starving to death but this accentuates it) even though they’re probably the same size. Renee also kinda looks like a charictature of herself while Reese is proportioned like a normal human being. Renee just looks… weird.

Stacey: Renee always looks weird and emaciated.  I will never understand why anyone is attracted to her.  Seriously.  SHe is dating Bradley Cooper, has dated Jim Carey, was married to Kenny Chesney…she was even rumored to have dated George Clooney.  I don’t get it.  Maybe its a guy thing that we will just never understand?

And next to Reese, she just looks plain silly.

(pics: JustJared)

Remember when John Mayer said that Jessica Simpson was Sexual Napalm in bed? Stacey & I both agreed that if that story broke about us we’d secretly be pretty proud of our sexual prowess and always leaving the men wanting more.

Not Jessica Simpson. Jess went on Oprah to cry about ittalk about it and said that “‘I don’t want people to know how I am in bed.” Fair enough I guess, but I’d still secretly feel pretty good about it all. Way better than if he came out and said “She’s a cold, cold woman” which is how Jennifer Aniston came across when John Mayer was giving us TMI.

Stacey: I am a pretty modest person when it comes to all that.  And while I would be glad that John had positive things to say about my performance, I would prefer that he not discuss it.  Although, I think it is kind of counter productive to go on Oprah and talk about it more…really, giving it more legs.  Oh Jess, when will you ever learn?

(pic: Socialite Life)

Miley Cyrus and Brett Michaels together sends chills up my spine. Is Miley going to skip young adulthood and just jump into being a middle-aged groupie with plumped lips, hair extensions and a reality TV show with a washed up ‘rock star’?

Note: I originally meant that to mean that the ladies(?) on Brett Michaels’ show are middle-aged groupies with plumped lips and hair extensions, but then I realized that Brett Michaels’ is possibly also middle aged with plumped lips and hair extensions. And then I realized that Miley already has plumped lips, hair extensions and a reality TV show with a washed up ‘rock star’. Weird. Wonder why I found this photo so gross?

Stacey: So what you’re saying is eventually Miley Cyrus will turn into Brett Michaels?  I buy that. 

(pic: JustJared)

« Older Entries