I Smell Smut

Do you see it too or is it just me? Justin Bieber = Chaz Bono. Except Chaz Bono can grow facial hair.

(Aside: When we were on blogging hiatus I actually went to a Selena Gomez concert… and it was kinda fun. It was the only concert I’ve been to that smelled like bubble gum and not pot, beer & sweat.)

Stacey: Totally looks like Chaz.  But more feminine. 

(pic: The Superficial)

We give Christina Aguilera a hard time here because she is a bit of a mess right now but I’m on the fence with how she was looking at the AMAs last night… is this better or worse than usual? She had been doing pretty good lately but this is honestly what I would look like in this dress and I know I need to hit the gym. And wear different underwear so I don’t get the cut lines in my hips. And you already know how I feel about her hair.

Wait… I’m supposed to be being nicer, aren’t I? Whoops.

Stacey: No.  This is not better.  Look.  My issue is not her weight.  Its that she is wearing something that is, like, 3 times too small for her.  I like her legs though.  They look good.  That is the only redeeming quality though.

(pic: The Superficial)

Audrina Patridge’s face sums up how we’ve been feeling around here – just keep looking up. Your boobs may be wonky, you may have no real talents or career at the moment but you’re still smoking hot, so just keep looking up.

Stace – this is our new motto. Accompanied by this photo.

Audrina Patridge totally looks like a wax figure.

Stacey: Just keep looking up.  I like it.  I also like Audrina’s boobies.  They are fantastic.

(pic: The Superficial)

(Pic: cleo.com.au)

So earlier in the week Bradley Cooper was named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.  Tanya and I both decided we were a big, fat “meh” on this.  Not that we don’t think Coops is hot…but the hottest?  Meh.

Apparently fans of other celebs felt the same way.  But the super fans of Ryan Gosling took crazy town to a whole new level by picketing People over their decision.  Yes, you read that correctly…picketed.  I guess they felt his not winning this meaningless title was one of the world’s greatest injustices.

Super-fan (read: CRAZY fan) Matt Stopera had this to say: “We are devastated,…. “[Gosling's] left arm alone makes him the Sexiest Man Alive. Hello, look at his abs!”

Please.  Read that sentence again.  Digest it.

I shake my head.  Is this what our world has come to?  Picketing a magazine over their sexiest man choices?  Just bring it down a notch, peeps.  You are embarrassing yourselves. And Ryan.

Tanya: I never used to be a Ryan Gosling fan but he is HOT. I’d have him as the sexiest. Especially as he’s had like 5 movies come out this year (don’t quote that, it’s just a guess). Although… I head that Ides of March was terrible and I can personally attest that Drive was a big pile of suck.

This kid knows what’s up.

Stacey: This is the face I make in my head whenever I see Lady Gaga.

(pic: The Superficial)

They drag me back in.

Stacey & I have been talking and we both kinda miss the blog… so we’re back in the game. Thanks for being patient. We just needed some time. So grab a martini and a cigarette (or a coffee and a mini-chocolate bar ’cause you’re in the afternoon slump at work) and let’s get back at it!

Better or worse than an actual photo of the Biebs?

First things first. The Justin Bieber paternity suit. Teen boy humping everything and facing the consequences or just a girl trying to cash in. My bet is on the girl trying to cash in, get some interviews and maybe her own 15 minutes of fame.

Also: we know that you’re getting all kinds of security warnings when you visit the site. This is just Firefox mean-girling us and spreading rumors. We practice safe smut and are not hosting any malicious content nor are we trying to infect you with anything. Hopefully we’ll have this fixed shortly.

Stacey: If they keep mean-girling us, I will spread all kinds of nasty rumors about them.  Thats right, I will fight fire with fire.

Sorry to play with your heart strings, peeps.  It was a heavy month last month, and a crazy few months prior to that.  I think we just needed some time away from celeb gossip to un-jade ourselves.  Because to be honest, I was feeling a little angry at all things celeb related.  Even pictures of cute celeb babies were giving me a case of the eye rolls.  But I think we can get back into it.

As far as the Bieb goes.  I was kinda hopin’ that he knocked this girl up.  Just because it would be great for gossip.  To bad she seems like she is a nutter butter. 

(pic: nogoodforme.com)

Well, it has been a wild ride.  Unfortunately, I can’t do this thing without my partner in gossip, Tanya.  She has been the logic to my irrational hate, the sweet candy coating to my crusty, bitchy center, my moral compass.  When I would go off calling Miley Cyrus a “ho”, Tanya was reminding me that probably wasn’t the best way to earn good karma…and usually she was right.

Some great debates will be left unsettled…for example, whether or not Johnny Depp dresses like a hobo on purpose, whether or not Alex Skarsgard is hot (I still say no), whether or not we should just get over the whole Angelina/Brad/Jen thing…but, lets be honest, neither of us were ever going to give in were we?

Things we’ve learned…Kellan Lutz is insanely hot, celeb babies are ridiculously cute, Twilight causes stinky farts and maybe cancer, and Lady Gaga makes people want to punch themselves in the face.  All valuable lessons which I will carry through life.

While we both have had a lot of fun, all good things must come to an end.  Thank you so much to everyone who followed us and helped make this blog so much fun.  Your comments and engagement made it all worth while.  I leave the blog knowing that I have one of the best friends in the world (Tanya) and that I would never have been able to do this with anyone else, and for that I am grateful.

While it is bitter sweet, my friend Joy reminded me that at least now I won’t have to write about Lindsay Lohan anymore.  Thank gawd!

And with that, I leave you all with a picture of my main girl, Coco…sorry, Tan, I had to.

(Pic: nationwideblast.com)

Peace out peeps.

xoxo

Stacey

I’ve had a rough week and sometimes you think “what have I ever done to deserve this?”. Well, I’m pretty sure that my gossiping isn’t the reason that life took a giant shat on me but I just can’t bring myself to hate on anyone for any reason right now. All I want is everyone to be full of love.

So on that note, I’m out. It’s been a slice and I’ll miss the blog but I need to focus on more positive things right now.

<3 Tanya

(Pic: merriganco.blogspot.com)

Apparently, Canada only has room for one comic named Russell (our Russell’s last name is Peters) because Russell Brand was denied entry to our great country when making his way across the boarder to do some shows.  What gives boarder-gaurds?  He only wants to make us laugh.

Maybe they saw Arthur and decided “we don’t want that guy here”.  I don’t blame them.  Based on that movie alone, I wouldn’t want him here either.

Tanya: Lame. This is actually one show I’d like to see.

We here in Alberta have a new “Distracted Driving” law that states that we can’t eat, text, read, put on make up, talk on the phone or do pretty much anything else while we’re driving. Which, if you think about it, is kind of common sense. If you’re not really paying attention to driving… well, you’re not paying attention to driving.

But it’s a little ridiculous that I can’t eat my sausage & egg McMuffin at a red light while Robert Pattinson can drive while covering his eyes. Maybe I’m just not as great of a driver as Pattz, but I think I’d be a danger on the road if I drove with my eyes shielded.

I don’t blame him though. Trying to drive with a dozen or so photographer flash bulbs in your eyes has to be hard too. In all fairness, you shouldn’t be allowed to take photos of people in their cars. It would stop the car chases, it would stop people getting run over, and it would stop people from driving while covering their eyes.

Problem solved.

Stacey: What?  You can’t drive with your eyes closed?  Well then you must not be a very good driver.  

(pic: Socialite Life)