I Smell Smut

Just the other day Stacey was lamentinghow we don’t have enough Jason Statham on the site these days. Problem solved! Mr Statham has a new movie coming out called 13 and promote it he’s on the cover of this month’s Men’s Fitness. Yum.

I hate to say it but the cover shot makes him look… old. And I guess he is old (quick Google check) he’s 38 this year.

Stacey: Old?  You think he looks old?  I disagree.  I think he looks like a man.  And anyways, old Jason Statham > than pretty much anyone else anyways.  I will take him any day of the week over some of those other boys out there.  Like this for example.

Tanya: True that. Jason Statham’s thinning hair > Zac Efron’s armpit hair

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(Pic: www.monstersandcritics.com)

Jerry Lewis has just proved that he totally crazy…or totally awesome, I can’t decide.

When interviewed by Inside Edition, he had this to say about Lindsay Lohan:

“I’d smack her in the mouth if I saw her,”….I would smack her in the mouth and be arrested for abusing a woman!”

“I would say, “You deserve this and nothing else’ … WHACK! And then, if she’s not satisfied, I’d put her over my knee and SPANK her!”

“[It's] the same thing with Paris Hilton,” … “Those children are begging for help. What they’re doing is saying, ‘I’m f-ed up, can you help me?’

Honestly, I am not sure if this is funny or brilliant.  And I know that the Lohans are going to have something to say about this, but he is just saying what we are all thinking and wishing we could do.

Old people are hilarious.

Tanya: I’m going to have to go with “crazy” on this one.

Oh Dlisted.  Sometimes this website has the funniest sh*t on it.

This video included.

(Pic: Celebslam)

Here is Kelly Osbourne leaving her performance with the Pussy Cat Dolls looking thin and happy and healthy.

Is it just me or does she have a freakishly large head?  Like it doesn’t look like it fits on her body?  Which isn’t being helped by that oddly large and bedazzled hat.

For funsies, I would like to draw your attention for a moment to the gentleman to her left.  Photo bomb!

Tanya: Her head was large to begin with and now that she’s so skinny it looks ginormous. See, not all people binge eat when they have a breakup.

(Pic: Just Jared)

Here’s a little bit of Katy Perry to brighten your day.  Look how pretty!

Tanya: I don’t know if any of you care about the music industry but it’s something that’s always been of fascination to me. Especially when the recording industry sh*t the bed and decided that they didn’t need to change their distribution model to come into line with the fact that people don’t buy hard copy albums anymore. Well, now they’re starting to realize that they’ve made a huge mistake. Katy Perry’s album came out last week and debuted at #1. They expected her to sell “anywhere from 300,000 to 700,000 units, with most figuring the album would scan about 400,000″ but she really only sold 192,000 hard copy albums (“scans”). To put that into perspective in 2003 50 Cent’s debut album Get Rich or Die Tryin’ scanned 872,000 in it’s first week.

Katy Perry’s digital downloads this week = 689,000 albums.

Do you think the record companies will start to change their distribution method now? I doubt it. They’re still going to hang on to CDs until it runs them into the ground.

(source: Billboard)

(Pics: Just Jared)

Here is David Hasselhoff’s promo shot for Dancing with the Stars.

Please.  Tell me this photo isn’t totally making your day.  Its amazing.

Is he glaring at us?

Tanya: That’s the “I know you watched that video of me on YouTube and I’m here to prove to you that I’m not a total mess!” look. This type of serious over-actor is exactly what we need for Hungry, Hungry Hippos 3D.

Almost.

She clipped a baby carriage with her rented Masarati and fled the scene. From RadarOnline:

“There was a woman pushing a kid in the stroller, maybe a two or three-year-old, crossing the street,” witness Brayan Jaimetold RadarOnline.com, in an exclusive interview.

“Lindsay took the red light and hit the stroller. It wasn’t super hard, but she made impact and hit them,” Jaime said.

“Lindsay pulled to the right, stopped for two seconds, and then just kept going.”

So let me get this straight: a girl who has a history of reckless driving that had her sentence cut short is still driving recklessly and now is running over pedestrians? Why am I not surprised by this? Traffic violations like this must be a violation of her probation (I am assuming a reckless driver would have conditions on driving added to their probation because it’s logical) and if they are it might send her back to jail.

Who am I kidding. If we’ve learnt one thing it’s that Lindsay is going to get away with it. You can watch a video of moments after the hit and run here.

Stacey: Well, since her licence was revoked in 2007, she really hasn’t driven in like 3 years.  You’d think that you would need to take another test of some form to prove you can still drive.  Or is driving like riding a bike?

(pic: RadarOnline)

Battleship. The game we all played as kids is getting remade into a movie with Rihanna (above), Alexander Skarsgard and Taylor Kitsch. ASkars & Kitsch are B-list actors (I’m being generous here, you may love them but they’ve both been in practically nothing), Rihanna has never been in a movie before, and Battleship is a seriously boring game. How is this going to be a good movie? I’ve heard they have a HUGE budget for this as well which is bad because it’s probably going to be a flop.

Instead of making a movie about Battleship they should make a movie about some other board games. Specifically: Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Crazed hippos running throughout the savanna crushing and eating people because they’re so hungry, hungry? I think it would be a hit.

Stacey: I am confused by this as well.  Because they are obviously relying on the nostalgic feeling it will give some people, because this was a popular game and still is (you can get an electronic one now so people can’t cheat), but there is no built in story.  So basically, they can do whatever they want and no one (gaming geeks) can really get mad when artistic licence is taken.

So basically, they are just making a movie and sticking a board games name on it.

And Hungry Hungry Hippos 3D would be awesome.  That or Barrel Full of Monkeys.

Remember the movie Mouse Trap?  That movie rocked.

Tanya: I don’t remember the movie Mouse Trap (though the game was great once you got through the painful setup process), but I do remember the movie Jumanji which was pretty awesome.

(pic: People)

Thanks to Cory for sending this video my way.  It literally made my day.  It is pretty much the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

Comment from Cory: “I like watching dogs act like people”.

Tanya: I’m not sure if I’m more embarrassed for the dog or the man. I could only make it through 40 seconds of this.

(Pic: Celebitchy)

When Kat Von D was asked whether her boyfriend of 5 minutes was “the one”, her answer was:

“I believe he is, so yeah”

You know who else who thought he was “the one”?  His ex-wife Sandra Bullock whom he cheated on a million times with women skankier than Tiger Woods’ hos.  While I believe people can change…good luck with that one.

Tanya: *GAG* The “one”? Possibly the “one” who will treat you nice and make you feel special until you realise that he’s boning a bunch of other girls on the side.

But maybe they are a perfect match. Good for them if they are. Then JJ can stop messing around with other peoples lives.