(Pics: Just Jared, dlisted, Socialite Life, I’m Not Obsessed)

Well, last night was the Met Gala and what that means is that everyone and their dogs were attending wearing their bold and/or beautiful best.  Since the pictures are giving me a big, fat, case of the yawnies, rather than posting a million posts about each individual dress, I just decided to pick a couple high lights and low lights.

Highlights?  I love Christina Ricci’s dress; I think she looks amazing.  And I know you guys don’t like Maggie Gyllenhaal but I do so I included her.  And I loved Emma Stone’s dress and Michelle Williams too.  And Sofia Vergara because, wek

Lowlights?  Brooklyn Decker is straight up offending me with her brightly colored, flat dress.  Seriously, this color is horrible and makes her look like she has zero shape.  And Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen.  Need I say more?

Tanya: I agree with you on all except Christina Ricci – her dress accentuates her tiny waist a little too much and makes her body look incredibly weird.

Some others I’ve come across and wanted to add: Beyonce’s dress was so tight she had to be carried up the stairs, Kate Hudson decided to accentuate her ass to make her baby bump look smaller (?), Miranda Kerr wins the “Stripper Wedding Gown” award this year (there’s a dress that fits this category every year), Mary Kate Olson in her Mrs Clause dress and Demi Moore wearing the outfit that she probably wore to watch the Royal Wedding because she wasn’t invited.

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Never trust a skinny chef.

Gwyneth Paltrow has been pimping hardcore to promote her new cookbook. Eva Longoria also has a cookbook out and has been working the circuit to try and promote it. A few other celebs have also written cookbooks.

Why on earth would you buy a cookbook written by these ladies? Look at Gwyneth Paltrow’s body. This woman might enjoy eating, but to maintain a body like this you’re not eating super delicious food very often. Eva Longoria has even said that when filming Desperate Housewives she eats “one small fat free yogurt for breakfast, some fruit for lunch, and a small piece of poached salmon with some raw greens for dinner”. These women aren’t making meals that are so good that you go back for more even when you already feel so full you might burst.

You know how some vegans can’t even stand the thought of eating a cookie because of the chicken fetus that is inside of the (the eggs)? I imagine that Gwyn & Eva are the same way when it comes to rich sauces, fatty cuts of meat, and anything with butter. I am also pretty sure that Gwyn’s cookbook is full of ingredients and spices that I can’t find at Safeway, and cooking methods that just aren’t practical “just take a quick stroll down to your butcher and get him to carve you a fresh slab of organic, locally raised lamb, then use your outdoor wood oven to simmer the lamb in a lamb stock spiced with saffron and the spice mix “yukka” that you can get from your local Polynesian deli for 48 hours – it really brings out the flavour!”.

Other celebs who should not have cookbooks: Victoria Beckham – “Take one cherry tomato, add one drop of balsamic vinaigrette and serve” or Britney Spears – just some fast food menus stapled together.

You know who I would by a cook book from? Oprah. I doubt she cooks for herself but I bet she knows good food when it comes her way. And she’d probably admit that these aren’t recipes she cooks, but ones that she eats.

Stacey: There are parts of this that I agree with.  That Brit Brit probably only knows how to cook Mac and Cheese is one of them.  But just because a chef is skinny doesn’t mean they can’t cook.

And, in fact, I think I would rather purchase a book from a skinny chef because then I know their food is at least somewhat healthy for me.  For example…I am not going to buy a cook book from Paula Deen.  Why?  Because she is big and fat (sorry Paula) and I have watched her literally slather an entire stick of butter on a pot roast.  The food she is cooking, isn’t healthy.  Sure it might taste good but it is also clogging my arteries and shaving years off of my life.  No thanks.

I would for sure buy a Gwyneth Paltrow cookbook. Why?  Because she looks amazing.  And I believe she eats this food.  Sure she might be pushing organic (read: expensive) locally grown food…but stuff is good for us.  If I had the money, I would eat like that every day of my life.  I look at Gwyn and I see a healthy person who eats healthy food who works really hard to look the way she does…why are we punishing her for this?

Here is Gwyn in a recent interview:

I think people mistake me trying to be the best version of myself for me telling them you’re not, or they just think well, what does that make me then, you annoying f**king person on the soapbox. But I can’t please everybody, all I can do is focus on the people who seem to appreciate what I do and put into the world. I’ll just do what I’m doing because, especially now, we live in a world now where everybody is able to express their opinion.”

Would I buy Victoria Beckham’s cook book?  No.  Because I would know for sure she isn’t eating what is in there.  With Gwyn, I think she actually does.  And she is healthy.  That seems like a good combo to me.

Tanya: I do agree with you that at least Gwyn’s probably healthy. People like to give me cookbooks (a hint to cook more, maybe?) and I try to cook my way through them but I’m amazed at how many still call for MSG (seriously) or other things that just aren’t good for you. But on the other side are ones that call for ingredients that are just impossible to get – which I think Gwyn’s would also be. For example, one of my fave cookbooks is called Quick Food (on Amazon here) and is full of really great food – but some of the ingredients are just impossible. Trying to find “harissa paste”, “Moroccan spice blend”, coconut cream (not milk, cream) and vindaloo curry paste, just to name a few, is a feat upon itself. It really takes the fun out of cooking when you have to go to 3 or more stores and spend several hours to get all the ingredients. By then I usually end up picking up a burger for dinner because I’ve already spent all my energy.

(pic: Dlisted)

One word: crap. I have been reading every gossip website today and there is just nothing good to write about. I’m sorry if you’ve been checking the site and are full of the yawns due to slow posting. So to spice up your day a bit here is a picture of 3 people I’d love to punch in the face and some other dude who gets two face punches just for hanging out with them.

If you don’t believe me about the gossip drought, here’s the days highlights:

• Gwyneth Paltrow did not get a record deal
• Jonah Hill lost weight
• Ja Rule is starting his jail sentence in June
• Lindsay Lohan is still not going to jail, neither is Mel Gibson

(pic: JustJared)

It’s Family Day here in Alberta so please excuse our slow posting.In lieu of good gossip I’ll instead present you with Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. Bitch is 38 and has one of the best bodies I’ve seen on a celeb – skinny but not emaciated, not tanned as a piece of leather, no giant fake knockers, and her muscles are lean and not crazy pumped up.

This is the body I want.

Stacey: That is Gwyneth Paltrow?  Holy crap!

(pic: The Superficial)

Jennifer Lopez’s bitchface, Ricky Martin’s jeans, the Aretha Franklin tribute, Rihanna’s “What’s My Name” performance and John Mayer not knowing the words to “Joline” were some of my favourite moments of the Grammys last night but none of them came even remotely close to Cee Lo Green’s peacock space outfit. Seriously.

Stacey: Now thsi should be my new outfit for Miami.

(pic: JustJared)

This is amusing. Some magazine (I think it was OK! but I grabbed this list from I’m Not Obsessed) did a poll on who the most and least desirable celebrity spouses are and this is what they came up with:

Least Desirable Celebrity Husband:

1: Charlie Sheen
2: Mel Gibson
3: Tom Cruise
4: Mickey Rourke
5: Pete Doherty
6: Marilyn Manson
7: David Hasselhoff
8: Ricky Gervais
9: Chris Moyles
10: Wayne Rooney

Least Desirable Celebrity Wife:

1: Amy Winehouse
2: Lindsay Lohan
3: Britney Spears
4: Heather Mills
5: Gwyneth Paltrow
6: Katie Holmes
7: Lady Gaga
8: Madonna
9: Nicole Kidman
10: Sarah Jessica Parker

Most Desirable Celebrity Wife:

1: Natalie Portman
2: Megan Fox
3: Katy Perry
4: Kate Moss
5: Gisele Bundchen
6: Cheryl Cole
7: Christina Hendricks
8: Rihanna
9: Kim Kardashian
10: Kate Middleton

Most Desirable Celebrity Husband:

1: Prince Harry
2: Justin Bieber
3: Robert Pattinson
4: David Beckham
5: Russell Brand
6: Colin Firth
7: Prince William
8: George Clooney
9: Piers Morgan
10: Brad Pitt

I agree with most of the “Least Desirable” spouses list but the “Most Desirable” ones are a bit off. Kate Moss & Gisele Bundchen?? Kate Moss is about as desirable and Pete Doherty and Gisele Bundchen sounds like she takes away your balls once she gets the ring.  As for the men, well, we see the problems right off the bat: Prince Harry and Justin Bieber. Bieber’s balls haven’t dropped yet and Prince Harry would probably be one of those “you’re probably going to see something in the tabloids that looks really bad, but it totally isn’t what it looks like” kinda guys. He’d be fun to date, but I’d say not a desirable husband.

Stacey: Clearly this poll came from somewhere overseas and was filled out by Brits and 12 year olds.  Because people like Kate Moss and Cheryl Cole would not even hit the radar over here.  Ok, Russell Brand over Brad Pitt?  That just doesn’t seem right.

Gwyneth Paltrow got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today. She also announced that she was going to be in another episode of Glee.

Stacey: Good for her, I guess.  I am kind of surprised she didn’t have one already.  And who cares about Glee? 

(pic: JustJared)

So I recently got cable and I decided to check out Glee because everyone seems to get all crazy about it each week… and I actually like it. The plot doesn’t really make sense but the characters are really fun and they put a good spin on some of the songs (though some of them are totally lame – like the boys singing “Stop in the Name of Love” last week).

Gwyneth Paltrow is on Glee next week and today we get a clip of her singing Cee Lo’s “Fuck You” (edited for TV as “Forget You”) and it’s actually pretty good (except for when they do the robot. wth??). I’m impressed. Check it:

(Pic: Just Jared)

I know everyone loves to hate on Gwyneth Paltrow but I can’t understand why.  Yes, I know she can be a name dropper when she talks about her friends, but that is really who her friends are.

And its true, Gwyn grew up in a life of privilege, but thats not her fault; we shouldn’t punish her because of it.

And I like her movies.  Like Shakespeare in Love and Seven and Shallow Hal and Sliding Doors.

And I know you will all hate me for this but I love the name Apple.  LOVE.

And I think she is beautiful.  Look at this picture, and this amazing dress.  It looks so good on her.  And look at those legs!  And those shoes.  Please!  The are killing me.  The absolute perfect color of pink.

So why all the hate, peeps?

Tanya: She looks like Judy Jetson.

And I think the hate stems from the fact that she probably thinks of us as peasants. Remember the song Common People by Pulp? Sometimes she reminds me of the girl in the song who just wants to live like the ‘common people’ but she can’t really understand what it’s like because if it ‘gets too bad she can call her dad to stop it all’. Like when she talks about the struggles of being a working mom, but she has an army of nannies, bazillions of dollars and brings her kids to the set where they drive around in kid sized-SUVs. When she gripes about the struggle of leaving her kids to go to work (leaving her kids 20 feet away from the set with an army of nannies you know and trust) I hear working mom’s all over saying “bitch please”.

Same as when she takes time to ‘stop by the local farmers market to pick up a fresh chicken for a quick dinner’. It seems like someone was telling her that poor people are fat and have bad diets so she is educating us on how to eat properly to remain thin and beautiful like her. But really, a fresh organic chicken from the farmers market is $$$$, you don’t have all afternoon to go shopping because you’re at work, by the time you get home you don’t have enough time to cook it anyways. Maybe that’s where the hate comes from, she tries to ‘relate’ and then offer helpful tips that don’t really affect most of us. Stacey, when was the last time you made a lunchbox up for your husband and included some beet & walnut dip (scratch that, when have you EVER made him a lunch box)?

You might not believe it after that rant, but I don’t mind her. She’s a pretty decent actress and I’m a personal fan of Margot Tannenbaum and Pepper Potts There’s a better name than Apple: Pepper.

Kate Hudson & Gwyneth Paltrow posing together like the bestest best friends in the whole world. Do you buy it?

I don’t buy it for a second. I can almost read both of their minds… Kate “Urgh. Pretentious Gwyn. I’m probably going to end up in her stupid email newsletter about fake tits.” Gwyneth “Urgh. Super-slut Kate Hudson. Glad Chris isn’t here…. I’m going to ‘blind item’ her and her fake tits in my next newsletter”.

Stacey: I buy it.  In fact, I fairly certain that they are actually friends.  They go out to concerts together, fashion shows. They are out together a lot and I have seen a lot of photos of them together at social events.  They have a lot of the same friends too like Stella McCartney.  Believe it or note, Gwyneth is actually quite popular in Hollywood.  Sorry Tanya, but I think these two are actual besties.

Tanya: Now that I think about it, you’re totally right. They do hang out together. And they’re BFFs with Stella McCartney. And Liv Tyler. Boooo. I was hoping for some GOOP drama.

Hehehe, added a photo of the Besties with Christina Ricci who looks like she’s the tag-along little sister. I forget how small she is sometimes!

(pics: Celebitchy, Socialite Life)