Best Movie Poster Ever.

So who really was the worst  of the worst last year? Here’s the list of the movies, actresses and actors who are nominated for sucking BIG TIME last year. Mostly it’s The Last Airbender, Twilight Eclipse and Sex & the City 2, but you can check out the full list and our opinions after the jump. But first I’d like to defend Twilight Eclipse: sure the acting was full fontrum, and the directing was pretty bad but it is EXACTLY the same as the book and you know the author was on hand to make sure it stayed that way so I’m putting most of the blame for that movie on her, not on the people trying to make it less lame.

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(Pics: Celebitchy, Allure)

Seriously.  Who’s face is this?  Yesterday we mused on who’s face Megan Fox is wearing.  This, I say, is Barbie’s.  But Allure Magazine says its Jennifer Aniston.  Whatever.  You can barely tell this picture is of a real life human being because it is so airbrushed.

There is something about this magazine shoot that offends me.  It kind of reminds me of that Rielle Hunter GQ shoot.  (in fact, now that I look at it, it is almost an exact rip off of that photo shoot).  Like, this person who is trying to convince the world that she is something that she is not.

At a certain age, posing provocatively with teddy bears just seems….desperate.  And as good as Jen looks for 40 or whatever she is, this just really isn’t appropriate.  And the pursed lips and vacant eyes…it’s weird and I don’t like it.

Tanya: Wow. Just wow. I think I recognize this handy work though… The person who did this might also be the same person that did the Sex and the City 2 poster.

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When is this going to stop? First Chelsea Handler called Angelina Jolie a cuntwhich led Stacey and I to debate how likely that is to be true (I say Chelsea is Jennifer Aniston’s new BFF so we can’t really go by what Chelsea says about Angie and Stacey thinks that Angie is probably a straight up cunt), and then Chelsea got a bit defencive and said that it was just an old joke and had nothing to do with Jen taking her to Mexico or now sharing the same publicist, and now today this:

KATIE COURIC: Is there anybody who really makes you laugh? A woman who really makes you laugh, other than me?
CHELSEA HANDLER:Jennifer Aniston makes me laugh. She’s irreverent and hilarious, and she sends me really, really funny e-mails.
KATIE COURIC: She’s funny?
CHELSEA HANDLER: Very.
KATIE COURIC: And speaking of that, wow, girl, you went off on Angelina Jolie recently.
CHELSEA HANDLER: Yeah, I’m not a fan. She just doesn’t come off to me as a sincere woman. She seems like a woman that you’d really want to avoid.

Jennifer Aniston is the funniest email sender around? What?

I stand by my previous points. Chelsea Handler is in a love fest with Jennifer Aniston. Her publicist saw that they could burn Angie and get a TON of press for both Jen and Chelsea so that’s what they’re doing.

Here’s my new headline: “Chelsey Handler and Jennifer Aniston find true love – with each other!”

Stacey: Ya, that is a bit much.  Maybe they are in love. 

Here’s my head line: “Chelsea and Jen Conspire to kidnap Brad from Angie”

Or or or: “Finally a Baby For Jen: Pregnant and Fabulous at 40.  Carrying 50 Cents Baby and how she and Chelsea plan to raise the baby together!”

(pic: Starcasm.com, quote: The Superficial.com)

Cory emailed me yesterday with this subject line:

“This is the best take on Jennifer Aniston I’ve ever read” linking to this article and picture from MSN:

Why are these people still famous?

No really, WHY is she still famous?! She’s a horrible actress who will forever be typecast as the pathetic, man-hungry spinster in every failed romantic comedy to come. Her days of Rachel Green are long gone and she should be too. Brad Pitt was the second best thing to happen to her career and he was smart enough to move onto something better. The same should be said for the media’s fascination with this one.

Our ensuing email conversation:

Stacey:  Lol.  I think she is still famous because she is gorgeous.  And this one isn’t in spite of her age.  She has a better body than 95% of the population.  She is incredibly boring though.

Cory: Gorgeous? No way. She takes care of herself true, but 90% of young Hollywood actresses out there are hotter than her.

Stacey: I totally disagree.  I mean, maybe not her face…she is “girl next door” face wise but her body is amazing.

Cory:  Agreed, but how many great bodies are there in Hollywood? Is that enough to justify her fame? She is a bad actress that can’t carry a movie and the box office receipts of her movies support this, but the media still thinks she is great for some reason. I have nothing against her (unlike Julia Roberts) but I don’t understand how she is still considered an A List celebrity.

Stacey:  She is considered A List because fame now a days isn’t about talent; its about interest.  And she will always be associated with the whole Brad-Jenn-Angelina thing.  Which is interesting.  It always will be.  As sick as it is, she should be glad it happened as it will keep her in the limelight forever.  I agree that shouldn’t be the only reason for her fame but its the way it works now a days.

Cory:  You’re so right.

Stacey:  I know

I am sad for Jennifer Aniston.  I know she doesn’t need my pity, au contraire, she probably pities me, but it makes me sad that we are having this conversation about her.  And if you flip the slides on MSN, she is in there with the Kardashians, Spiedi, and Mischa Barton.  Eew.  To think, if she was only able to keep Brad, she would still be one half of Hollywood’s Golden Couple, still loved and adored, instead of pitied for one reason or another.

Hollywood Sliding Doors…this one I would want to see.

Tanya: I would be totally OK if we just stopped casting Jennifer Aniston in things. She’s only one step up from casting Jessica Simpson in the acting department and even though she’s got a great body it’s more of a “she’s got a great body for her age” thing and if either of us had the kind of free time, money and friends that were personal trainers that we could pay to just hang out with us all day to work out with we’d probably look like that too.

And even if her and Brad had pulled through (and I can’t for the life of me believe that we are still talking about this) the only reason we’d be interested in them as a couple is because of Brad. Brad Pitt brings the hot, and even when he doesn’t (Billy Goat Beard, anyone?) he still oozes that element of “sex” on the red carpet. Lainey calls it “Pitt Porn”. It doesn’t matter if Jen, Angelina, or some non-famous person is on his arm, you’ll see him hold her close, move his hand down her back and you’ll feel the chemistry and be interested. Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are that way too. They’ve both got non-famous wives, but you get totally jealous when you see the affection that they show their ladies. Replace that image with Liev Schriber and Naomi Watts. Chemistry, affection and the portrayal of love. Now think back to Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer. No chemistry. No heat. You know they’re not sneaking kisses and enjoying sharing the moment together. They’re there to make an appearance and sell a product.

(Pic: 3.bp.blogspot.com)

Apparently, only Tanya and I and a select few others were interested in seeing The Switch this past weekend.  Jen Aniston’s latest box office bomb only brought in $8.1 million.  While that is a lot of money to you and I, take into consideration that is probably only a fraction of what they paid each star to be in it.

Placing 8th, this movie was behind The Expendables (#1), Vampires Suck (#2), Eat Prey Love (3), Lottery Ticket (#4), The Other Guys (#5), Piranha 3D (#6), and The Return of Nanny McPhee (#7).

When I saw that it came in #8, I actually felt embarrased for Jen Aniston.  So much so that I needed to email Tanya to tell her:

Stacey:  Did you see how poorly The Switch did at the theatres. Ick.  I actually cringed and groaned.  Poor Jen.

Tanya: I DID!! It got beat by Piranha 3D! How terrible is that? AND I think it even looks like a decent movie.

Stacey: As much as Lainey says it and it makes me roll my eyes…good taste is dead.

Tanya: But on the other side, the Switch is the same as like a million other movies out there.

Stacey:  That’s true.  I guess I just figured it is better than Piranha 3D.  But anything 3D right now is a money maker.  Maybe if they would have done The Switch 3D it would have made some money.

Tanya: I think Piranha 3D is a bunch of hot chicks in bikinis motorboating each other and then some 3d piranha attacks which might not fall under “good taste” but does fall under “awesome”.

Touche, Tanya, touche.  And as we have proven before, chicks motorboating each other is awesome.

Her words, not mine.

“Yes, I play dress up! I do it for a living, like a retard!”

Stacey: I don’t understand how that would make her a “retard”.  I am not sure if I am offended by this comment and her use of the word or confused by the fact that she doesn’t even really use it properly, even in a derogatory sense. 

Wow.  She is really pissing a lot of  people off right now.

(Source: Us Weekly, pic: VirginMedia)

I am going to go see this movie.  In fact, I am going to take my mom to see it because I think it actually looks really good.  Jason Bateman, Jen Aniston, Juliette Lewis, Patrick Wilson (yummy, BTW) and Jeff Goldblum, plus it is done by the same people who did Juno and Little Miss Sunshine…how could it not be awesome?  I saw the preview this weekend when I went to see Dinner for Schmucks and even my hubby admitted it looks “not bad” which is translation for “I wouldn’t hate seeing it”, which I consider to to be pretty good.

Here are some pics from the premier last night.  I am not even sure if Jon Heder is even in the movie but I thought I would include his picture because I totally love him.

Tanya: I totally want to see this movie. It looks super cute. Jason Bateman is awesome and that kid looks like he’s going to be pretty funny too.

(Pics: Just Jared)

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(Pic: blog.ruderetro.com)

Jen Aniston’s new movie The Switch is coming out soon, which is about a woman who hasn’t found her life partner yet, decides to get artificially inseminated as she wants to be a mom.  During an interview she had this to say:

“Women are realizing it more and more knowing that they don’t have to settle with a man just to have that child. Times have changed and that is also what is amazing… that we do have so many options these days, as opposed to our parents’ days when you can’t have children because you have waited too long.

The point of the movie is what is it that defines family? It isn’t necessarily the traditional mother, father, two children and a dog named Spot. Love is love and family is what is around you and who is in your immediate sphere. That is what I love about this movie. It is saying it is not the traditional sort of stereotype of what we have been taught as a society of what family is.”

And Bill O’Reilly, a big right wing a-hole from Fox fired back with this:

“I want to be fair about this because there are millions of single mothers who do a great job with raising their kids. It’s possible, but it’s not optional. And that’s where Miss Aniston makes her mistake. She’s throwing a message out to 12-year-olds and 13-year-olds that, ‘Hey you don’t need a guy. You don’t need a dad,.’ That is destructive to our society.

Aniston can hire a battery of people to help her, but she cannot hire a dad. Okay. Dads bring a psychology to children that in this society is underemphasized. Men get hosed all the time.”

OMG.  Seriously?  Men get hosed?  All the time?  Where is he getting this from?  What does this even mean?  No where in what Jen is saying is she advocating for women to choose between getting pregnant on their own or having a father figure.  The point, I think, of what Jen is trying to say is that if finding a life partner hasn’t happened for someone that doesn’t have to stand in the way of having a child.  Children can be very happy and well adjusted with having only a mother, or only a father for that matter.  In fact, I know some people who would say there are better off NOT having their father in their lives when they were growing up.

Mom + Dad doesn’t always = instant happiness and I think that is what gets forgotten during these conversations/debates.  Sometimes Mom + Dad = volatile upbringing filled with arguments, abuse, and abandonment.  Family doesn’t always mean having to have both parents.  Do you know what IS destructive to society?  Putting out the message that only one way of experiencing family is acceptable, and that is what Bill is doing; teaching more intolerance and more hate.  When someone has love to give to a child, it shouldn’t matter whether or not they have a partner to share in those duties, only that they are able to care for them and give them the love they need.

Team Aniston all the way on this one.  O’Reilly needs to shut his big fat pie hole.

Tanya: Urgh. I think Bill O’Reilly is just trying to get some publicity with this and he is succeeding for being such a dolt. Of course it’s important for a kid to have a positive father figure in their lives, but if given the option of no dad and a super crappy dad (abusive, neglectful, etc) I’ll take no dad (same goes for mom, I’d rather be raised by a single dad than have a deadbeat mom). Is Bill saying that instead of older women going to the clinic to get pregnant because they didn’t find that right match in time that we are destined to live childless, partnerless lives? That’s pretty depressing. And that can lead to a lot of incredibly unhappy marriages (only getting married because you want a baby is not a good idea). And who is to say that you don’t meet the person of your dreams after you have the kid and then the kid gets the happy family anyway?

If you’re are single (man or woman) and you have the maturity and means to raise a child, why not? I know a lot of single parent homes that are much more loving and stable than some of the two parent homes out there.

In this months Harper’s Bazaar Jennifer Aniston is made up to look like Barbara Streisand in some of her memorable photos. I can see it in some, but Jennifer Anniston is too plain to be Babs in many of these photos and I think it’s because of the nose. If Jennifer Aniston still had her original nose I think it would have been a really striking photo shoot.

You can check out the full shoot herewhich has the Jennifer Aniston photos along with the original Barbara Streisand photos.

Stacey: Beautiful photos.  But I still can’t decide if I think Jen is “pretty”.  I mean, she is obviously attractive, but that’s mostly her amazing body.  Lets just take her face…is she pretty?  I think she is very “girl next door” pretty, which so many of us are, so that’s great.  I just don’t know.  Her face, on its own…you can see why Brad was so intrigued by Angelina.

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Jennifer Aniston on how she keeps up her perfectly toned bod:

“It’s simple, run, work out every day. I do a lot of running — exercise is so important”  “Plus it’s all about balance. Work, exercise, diet, you need balance.”

So there you go: just run, lift weights, exercise and diet 7 days a week. Simple!

Sure you might not have a life anymore because the time you spent at work, cleaning the house, raising your children, seeing friends and anything else you used to do will now be filled with your new exercise regime, but at least you’ll be hot!

Stacey: Yes, when your entire job and means of making a living is looking good, its no problem.  For us regular people, its not quite that simple.  But thanks Jen. 

(source: US Magazine)