(Pic: astrologyexpressed.files.wordpress.com)

Lifetime hot piece Johnny Depp is turning 47 today.  47!  Can you believe it?  I think that I have been in love with him for half of his life (and all of mine).

While he is getting up there, he still totally melts my heart.  Its the eyes.  And the lips.  And they style.  Its everything really.

Happy Birthday Johnny!

It’s so obvious! How on earth did we miss this headline when we were coming up with the scandals that would unfold with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie working together? According to the National Enquirer Angie is in love with Vanessa because she’s a French version of herself:

Angelina Jolie has the hots for Johnny Depp’s super sexy girlfriend, sources tell the Enquirer. Johnny’s longtime love Vanessa Paradis exploded in a fury when she learned that Johnny and Angelina would be filming the movie The Tourist together in Italy and France. Well aware of Angelina’s history with leading men, Vanessa was terrified that Angelina would set her sights on Johnny.

But Vanessa’s fears were WAY off base, says a close source. Angelina, who has admitted to being bisexual, is far more attracted to the flame-haired Vanessa than her beau.

“Angelina laughed when she read the reports about her supposedly having a crush on Johnny… she pointed out that while there’s no doubt he’s a good looking guy, there’s nothing especially exciting about him – and she thinks his girlfriend is way hotter. Ever since Angie first saw magazine photos of Vanessa, she has wanted to meet her.”

Aside from being a knockout and one of France’s sex symbols, 37-year-old Vanessa has one thing going for her that makes her irresistible to Angelina, say insiders. She’s French!

Angelina loves everything French. She speaks the language and is teaching it to her kids and she and Brad live part time in a $60 million chateau in the South of France.

“Angie loves Vanessa’s natural beauty, and has always talks about how lucky Johnny is to have landed her,” said another insider. “She sees a lot of herself in Vanessa – the irreverent, sultry sexiness that comes from someone who doesn’t have to try too hard.”

Another source reiterates: “Vanessa has absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of Angelina and Johnny… the fact is that if Angelina was unattached, which of course she’s not, she’d much prefer to be with a woman than a guy. Angie has always been attracted to girls and has made no secret about this. So Vanessa would be a far more likely choice for her than Johnny.”

Maybe Johnny Depp, Vanessa Paradis, Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt can all run off and live in a polygamous commune. No, there has to be someone left out. Brad will be left with the kids, turn to Jennifer Aniston for help, she’ll say “no” and finally no longer be the victim and the kids will be put to work in a traveling circus.

Stacey: Tanya, how did we not think of this?  Seriously, this was my favorite story from when I was away.  Of course Angie wants Vanessa!  Its so obvious!

(pic: Celebitchy)

Johnny Depp & Tim Burton looking like two peas in a pod (crazy pod) at the Alice in Wonderland premiere in Japan.

Here’s the numbers for the weekend:

1. Alice in Wonderland — $34.5M
2. Diary of a Wimpy Kid — $21.8M
3. The Bounty Hunter — $21M
4. Repo Men — $6.2M
5. She’s Out of My League — $6M

I’d like to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid – it looks hilarious. And I’d like to see Repo Men too because I love the idea of it; big business owns your innards and can take them back. Cool.

(pics: JustJared)

Here’s Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Mia Wasikowska, Michael Sheen, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter premiering Alice in Wonderland in Paris.

According to the cast it’s ‘kid friendly’ and Helena says her 2yr old didn’t find it scary at all, and Johnny Depp said his kids (Lily-Rose & Jack) “loved every character. They weren’t freaked out by it whatsoever.” I don’t know how much I trust these guys kids. I’ve seen how Helena and Tim dress on a daily basis (same as these photos but more black) so they’re probably not afraid of much.

That said, what’s up with Helena Bonham Carter’s shoes? Did she have to walk to the premiere or do you think she bought them that way? “Do you have these ones in a muddy cream?” I have a strange feeling that she made them that way. Bought some new shoes, then wore them in some puddles to get a ‘unique’ effect. Helena, if we’re the same size I’ve got some old dirty shoes you can borrow for premieres. Not even borrow, you can just keep them.

But I do love her Queen of Hearts clutch, and she has some hearts on her dress too. This is custom made ‘hot mess’ specifically for the premiere. I’m excited to see what she wears to the next premieres. Love Anne Hathaway & Mia Wasikowska’s dresses. And I have to say that Michael Sheen is really growing on me as an actor.

Stacey: I would love to be a fly on the wall in her seamstresses studio…”She wants me to make what?  But she will look like a homeless bag lady.  What?  Thats the point?  Ok, I guess I can make something kinda like that”. 

And for the record I love how Johnny Depp dresses…LOVE!

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(pics: Socialite Life)

Here’s Mia Wasikowska, Helena Bonham Carter, Anne Hathaway and Johnny Depp (below, click it for the larger pic) promoting Alice in Wonderland.

I think Helena Bonham Carter might wear old school knickers. Like 1650 style. I really like HBC (heh, that’s Helena Bonham Carter and not Hudson’s Bay Company of course) but I think she might be just a little past “eccentric” and in the realm of “weird”.

(pics: JustJared)

Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp have been together for over 10 years and are still ridiculously cute. Vanessa is promoting some Chanel lipstick at the moment so she’s giving some interview. Here’s here thoughts about Johnny Depp (from People):

“I love his style, yeah, yeah, yeah!”

“I love him, and I don’t have to say I like this and I don’t like that. When you love somebody, you take them as they are. I would not change him.”

“I like him very much in all terms and every sense of the way,”  “He makes me happy. We are many things – we are together and, in a way, one person.”

So cute!

(Story: Celebitchy, Pic: aceshowbiz.com)

We so called this didn’t we?  How long did it take?  2 and a half months?

Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie signed on to do a movie called The Tourist which in it they apparently play lovers.

I love Star sometimes.  They are so brazen and outrageous.

My favorite part of the cover? “First she stole Brad from Jen, now its…Angie and Johnny!

Oh please.  I don’t buy this for one second.  Johnny would never do this to his partner and the mother of his children, Vanessa Paradis who is way cooler and way more suited to Johnny.

Not that I would put it past Angie either.  When she married Billy Bob Thornton he was still engaged to Laura Dern and we all know (and are sick to death) of the Brad/Jen situation.  DO you remember the from the Mr & Mrs Smith set about her not wearing underwear during sex scenes and what not with Brad?  Please.  She so would!

And not that I totally believe all the break up rumors that have been circulating but Angie seems fickle.  And Brad is starting to look old.  And Johnny is Johnny.  What woman wouldn’t want to be with him?  At any rate, it will be interesting to see where this one goes.  Could be fun!

Tanya: Alright. I really don’t think Angie would just up and leave Brad for a co-star. She’s got all those kids too. I think she’d probably do it the PR friendly way and break up the family FIRST before moving on with the costar. Something Brad didn’t do so well which is why we’re STILL talking about it. If Brad & Jen just called it off, and then Brad & Angie came out like 6 months later (after a few solo appearances at events) people would forgive and wouldn’t dwell on it.

(Pic: larryfire.file.com)

So it turns out that Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp are going to be in a movie together called The Tourist that is reported to be quite steamy.  I can almost hear the rumors now.

Johnny and Angie Start Elicit Affiar

Johnny and Angie Caught Off Set Kissing

Angie In Love With Johnny Depp

“Its Over! I’m With Johnny Now!” Declares Angie to Brad

I know that I am a bad person for being excited for this, but I am.  Angie has a thing for guys (and girls) that she works with.  She married Johnny Lee Miller after they worked on Hackers together, she dated Jenny Shimizu after working with her in Foxfire, she married Billy Bob Thorton after Pushing Tin (whom, by the way, was engaged to Laura Dern at the time that they started their affair), and lets not forget Brad Pitt, her current squeeze, who left his wife Jennifer Aniston after personally requesting Angie for the role in Mr & Mrs. Smith (allegedly).

But our Johnny wouldn’t do that, would he?

I don’t think he would.  But lets hope he can withstand the allure of Angie’s hypnotic, man eating vagina.  Because lets be honest, she soooo would.

Tanya: “Johnny’s Ultimatum: It’s me or the kids!”

“Angelina’s Living a Double Life”

“2 Lovers, 6 Kids, No Time to Eat. A Frail Angelina drops to 36lbs”

“Brad Turns to Jen for Support”

“Vanessa Paradis Turn to Jen for Support”

“Johnny & Angie Get Tattoos of Each Other’s Name in French – But will Brad & Vanessa Find Out?”

“Angelina Seduces Director to Cast Johnny Depp” (ok, this one might already be on the stands)

Sorry for getting carried away there, it’s just TOOO much fun!

(Pic: ahotmessblog.com)

People has just announced their Sexiest Man Alive and its not who you’d think.  Not Robert Pattineson, not Bradley Cooper, not Becks, not Hugh Jackman….drum roll please…..its Johnny Depp!  Like, duh!  Who else would it be?

While Johnny is a surprising pick considering who was in the running against him, I can’t say I disagree.  While he is a bit older, which I personally like, and he isn’t in a big block buster coming out, and he isn’t conventionally sexy, Johnny always brings the hotness.

He has amazing syle, while its a little out there it totally suits him, he’s talented, intellegent, a great father, he absolutly adores his partner and mother of his children, he has no recent scandles, he’s a reformed bad boy, and he is gorgeous!  Come on!  Whats not to like?

We always refer to Lainey Gossip and her Freebie Five.  Freebie Five are those five people, given the opportunity, you  could have a one nighter with and your spouse couldn’t object.  Freebie Five is about that though, one nighters, and so there are a few people who could never make the list, they are Lifetimes, someone you would want to spend the rest of your days with, and Johnny is one of them for me.  Never on my list because one night wouldn’t be enough.

For the record, Johnny Depp is not on I Smell Smuts Hottest Guys List (coming in December!).  Tanya is not an appreciator of Johnny and his quirkiness.  We debated it for a bit, with me conceding in the end.  I am starting to think we may have left out an essential player in the field.

Tanya:There is no doubt that Johnny Depp is hot. He is. But the hottest? He is scandal free and a great father/partner which is awesome. Love it. And his looks… well… they’ve decreased over the last few years. I’m sorry, they have. And his style? He “owns” his unique style for sure, but it’s not a nice style. He always looks like a hobo. If you ran into Johnny Depp in an alley way you would avert your eyes and try to make some distance because it looks like he’d probably ask you for money.

I love Johnny Depp. Great actor, great man, and a unique person who tries to keep some separation from the whole “celebrity”-ness of Hollywood. BUT, he’s just not that hot. We can always add him into the list though and see how he ranks.

Stacey: See, this is another perfect example of why we have never fought over boys…sometimes we couldn’t disagree more.  Like here.  I respectfully disagree.  The issue with Johnny is he doesn’t fit into the tiny box that Hollywood labels attractive.  But that’s what makes him so hot.  And he is classic.  Like Robert Redford or Paul Newman.  Sexy forever.  And that’s Johnny.  There are only two other people that have been named twice, Brad Pitt and George Clooney.  Johnny belongs with those two and Johnny deserves a second title before the likes of Robert Pattinson or one of the other young guns gets named. 

Would he fit on our list?  No, because you are like 1% of the female population that doesn’t think he is hot and your grading would much it up, a la Colin Farrell.  I will admit that even as Captain Jack Sparrow, he still brings the quiver for me.  He just has “it”, that something that makes him so attractive.  I am with People on this one.

Courtney Love has done a fairly good job of establishing herself as batsh*t crazy over the years so I take anything she says with a grain of salt. This is a good one though:

“I was going to die on a few occasions. Johnny Depp gave me CPR on one. That’s as close as I ever got.” (Source)

I believe the dying part. But Johnny Depp CPR? He comes across as a nice guy, and I’m sure he’d do it for her if she needed it, but something about this just does sit right. I’m calling BS.

What do you think?

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Stacey: I think she is full of crap for sure.  But lets all be honest here.  What would you do to get Johnny Depp to put his mouth on you?  I would make like Michael “Squints” Palledorous in The Sandlot (one of my all time favs!) and fake it just to get him to save me.  Scene below.

Tanya: That clip is hillarious!!!