(Pic: Rumor Fix)

Look  I love my mom.  A lot.  We hang out and chat on the phone and confide things in one another.

But, I do not love my mom the same way Lindsay Lohan loves her mom Dina.

Look at these two.  Rather than looking like mother and daughter they look like two aging lipstick lesbians, one drink away from a night of experimentation they both will regret in the morning.

Seriously, this is…inappropriate.  Look how Dina’s fingers are entwined in her hair.  I hope they don’t think this is sexy…because it is gross.

Do you know who I feel worse for?  Lindsay’s younger brother sitting beside them.  Do you think he is embarrassed by them or is so used to them acting like train wrecks that he doesn’t even notice anymore?

Tanya: *throws up on self*

This is all kinds of wrong. Wrong because moms & daughters should not be physically intimate like that. Wrong because Dina is like the worst mom ever. Wrong because both ladies are probably thinking “this will get us in the mags!”. Wrong because that’s totally true. Wrong because the brother is there. That’s wrong also because I’m fairly sure he’s a minor and this is in a bar. I could go on but I don’t think I need to.

(Pic: fooyoh.com)

I may need to update my list of Celebs that Make Me Face-Punching Angry to include Lindsay Lohan.  I am actually surprised that it has taken this long for her to make the list.  Lets be honest, she has been an idiot for years but her level of delusion has reached an almost fevered pitch that is making me want to injure myself and everyone else around me.

Her latest act of idiocy?  Comparing herself to Marilyn Monroe.  Lindsay has had a fasination with Marilyn for years, even going as far as posing as her and getting a quote of Marilyn’s tattooed on her wrist.  But now, in a forward she wrote for a new Marilyn book, Lindsay wrote this:

“Marilyn was the beautiful bad girl in that tight, rose-colored dress. The character she played was strong and taking control, which I unconsciously knew at that young age [12] was a necessary quality for a woman.” …. “I can understand the photographer Bernard of Hollywood’s [Bruno Bernard] statement, ‘it took a superhuman effort to be Marilyn.’ I identify.”

“People in their mind have created who I am and act as if there is no real person inside of me. Just like Marilyn…Marilyn never wanted to be just a celebrity. Neither do I … I had always thought that movie stars were in films that would last forever in your mind. But now the films don’t. I don’t want to be remembered as someone who just wanted to be photographed, who goes out at night, and gets in trouble.”

“Heath Ledger once said to me, ‘It’s built you up to knock you down and that’s all it is,’” … “Marilyn said she had no foundation. But she said she was really working on it. I’ve been trying to do the same thing … I believe in myself and I’m a good actress.”

This forward caused me to roll my eyes so many times I almost .  First of all, when you write a forward in a book about someone isn’t it supposed to be mostly about the person and not about you?  This entire thing is Lindsay talking about Lindsay.

Secondly, why does she need to mention Heath Ledger.  Has she seriously fallen so far that she has become a name dropper?

Thirdly, maybe Lindsay should quit acting and go back to school because this sentence “The character she played was strong and taking control, which I unconsciously knew at that young age [12] was a necessary quality for a woman.” is grammatically incorrect in so many ways that I don’t even know where to start.

Fourthly, for someone who claims she doesn’t want to be a celebrity she sure spends a lot of time trying to be famous.

Maybe Lindsay would have more luck getting her life back on track if she spent less time contemplating how much she is like someone else and more time on being a better version of herself?

Tanya: Face. Punching.

I agree with you on all counts. A forward to a book about someone should be about them, not about you. And why was Lindsay Lohan even contacted to write a forward to a Marilyn Monroe book in the first place?? These pictures are also sad. It’s probably her in her apartment with her mom trying to recreate all these sad Marilyn moments instead of developing her foundation.

You know who I’ve actually gained more respect for lately? Megan Fox. Megan is removing the Marilyn Monroe tattoo from her arm because “It is a negative character, as she suffered from personality disorders and was bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.” It’s a little refreshing to see someone accept Marilyn Monroe as the troubled person she was and not just gloss over all that and focus on the sex symbol.

Lindsay Lohan posing as Marilyn Monroe is kinda like Justin Bieber posing as Micheal Jackson. In a way they’re paying homage to the entertainers who came before them, but in a way they’re also ignoring the irony of all the problems that these people had. Do you really want to emulate them?

(Pic: Celebuzz.com)

Ugh.  How DESPERATE can one person be?

First, Lindsay Lohan and her twin sister mother, Dina, invite a professional photographer into their hotel to take pictures of them getting ready to go to Kim Kardashian’s wedding to sell to the gossip outlets.  This from the girl who is always complaining about how the paparazzi are ruining her life because they are always invading her privacy and can’t she just live like a normal person and have no one pay attention to her.

Secondly, bitch wore white to the wedding.  WHITE!  I’m not up on what is proper for weddings but I am pretty sure that the same color as the BRIDE is not ok.

Thirdly, this dress is the exact rip off (only not green) of what Pippa Middleton wore to Prince Will and Kate’s wedding.

Really?  Really?  There is some much wrong with all of this that I don’t even know what to say.

PS.  What the heck is going on with her face?  Stop injecting crap into it!  You look terrible!

Tanya: To her defence, all the guests were asked to wear black or white to the wedding. But seriously. If you’re invited to a wedding and are told to wear black and white, you wear black. It courtesy. Unless you are told specifically to wear white to a wedding (and no other colour is offered), you do not wear a white dress to a wedding.

And this is the same dress that Pippa wore. It’s not even a knock off. Surprising, no? Lindsay Lohan just makes it look SOOO trashy that you’d guess that it is a cheap imitation. The dress is real, Lindsay Lohan is the cheap imitation.

(Pic: The Superficial)

Why…WHY is Lindsay Lohan never ever wearing a bra?

Look.  I get it.  As a woman that isn’t what you would call “flat”, I get that bras are, like, insanely annoying.  And sometimes its just like “Gawd, I wish I wasn’t wearing a bra today” but when I am out and about or at work or being photographed I like to feel somewhat…contained.  And not like a hussy.  Unlike Lindsay Lohan who seems not to mind having her big boobies flopping around all up in people’s faces while wearing see-through shirts.

I just don’t get it.  She is always complaining about “invasion of privacy” yet all she does is encourage the paparazzi to photograph her when she is doing stupid sh*t like wearing see through tops with out a bra…it has to be intentional.

So, I have to ask…Guys, is this attractive?

Tanya: I’m also not someone you’d call “flat” and going bra-less just isn’t something that sounds like a good idea to me. Bigger boobs tend to look better in a bra that gives them a little support and shape and more importantly than that is the long term consequences – going braless today = saggy ass boobs tomorrow.

(Pic: ibtimes.com)

I just….I can’t believe…I refuse to believe that Lindsay Lohan is stupid enough to be involved in a drug deal in broad daylight.

x17 posted a video today of Lindsay Lohan sitting on the street observing what looks to be a drug deal.  Go see for yourself.

I mean, it looks like one right?  It looks sketchy.  Those guys look sketchy.  And what is in those baggies?

According to Lindsay’s rep, they were crystals:

“The bag contained crystals that had been purchased for Lindsay at a local shop.”

Right.  Crystals.  You’d think her rep could come up with something a little more…likely.  I don’t know.  Maybe he couldn’t come up with anything more believable.  Because he has already used up all the other good excuses.  He’s down to….crystals.

And while I say I can’t believe she would be involved in a drug deal on the street, honestly, nothing surprises me with that silly bitch any more.

(Pic: The Superficial)

The other day, a conveniently placed story on TMZ made me throw Lindsay Lohan the side eye.

Apparently, Lindsay wanted to take her little sister to a Coldplay concert so she reached out to lead singer Chris Martin for tickets.  Allegedly, Chris and Lindsay have been “good friends for years” (insert “pffts” here) and was more than happy to offer Lindsay seats close to the stage.  Something about this story just didn’t seem to add up.  It just wreaked of Lindsay Lohan placing a story to make her sound cooler than she is.  She’s desperate for people to think she popular with the cool kids in school.

You know what probably went down?  Lindsay came across tickets and leaked to TMZ that Chris “gave” her the tickets. These tickets probably weren’t from Chris personally.  He probably didn’t even know that Lindsay asked for tickets.

Then when she went to go back stage.  And bitch got DENIED.  She was turned away.  And when she was turned away, she pitched a fit.  Because in her head she deserves to be backstage with one of the biggest most popular bands in the world.  Girl is so delusional that she thinks that Chris Martin cares enough to get her tickets.

Does she realize that she is hanging out with Paris Hilton again?  No one wants to associate with someone who is choosing to hang out with that pariah.  Especially Coldplay.  Gwyneth would never allow it.

Finally, the story makes sense.

Tanya: When I read this story I gave Lindsay Lohan some major eye rolls for her ridiculous demands and her inability to realize that she’s the definition of “uncool” but something else caught my eye “She got even more angry when she found out fellow actress Kate Bosworth was there mingling with Gwyneth Paltrow and the band.” Kate Bosworth was hanging out with Gwyneth Paltrow?? Doesn’t Gwynny hate her for her rumoured affair with Chris Martin?

(Pic: www.doseofgossip.com)

Lindsay Lohan was seen leaving the bar (seriously?!?!?) with Paris and Nicky Hilton (those bitches are friends again? Great….) where she fell flat on her face (not the picture above).

And of course, because nothing is ever Lindsay Lohan’s fault, she took to her Twatter account (she is a twat so for her it is Twatter) to blame everyone but herself.

Omg, I’m so embarrassed, paparazzi just blinded me with flashes again, as I was walking into dinner. They pushed me and I tripped hurt…

Right.  She fell because she was pushed.

You know, maybe we believed her the first time…or maybe the second time.  But after the millionth time of her falling on her stupid face it would dawn upon her that the lowest common denominator in all of these scenarios is herself and not other people?  Of course not.  Because she is special.  And nothing is ever her fault.

Just a thought.  But maybe someone who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic who tested positive for alcohol while she was on probation  and also trying to convince the public that she has changed should not be hanging out at a bar with another person who has been convicted of driving while under the influence.  Just a thought.

That is how desperate Paris and Lindsay Lohan are now…no one else will hang out with them so they have to hang out with each other.

Tanya: You know, if something is a problem – fix it. You always fall because you wear too high shoes? Either get some flats or hire some people to help you walk (like Lady Gaga does). You always fall because the paparazi push you? Get a body guard. You always fall because you’re crazy plastered? Drink a little less or leave arm in arm with a friend. You always fall because the paparazi flashes are too bright? Wear sunglasses.

(Pic: The Superficial)

I’m confused.  Why is anyone surprised when Lindsay Lohan acts like the spoiled rotten, entitled, delusional brat that she is?  Why does it keep making headlines?

Apparently, Lindsay was flown out to Miami for a photo shoot and interview for Plum Magazine and they actually believed that Lindsay would come through on what she said she would do.  And in a surprise twist (and by surprise, I mean not surprising at all) Lindsay abused her privileges, behaved like an entitled twat, drank, and flaked on her interview.  What?  You mean doing everything that she has been doing for the last four years?

The worst of all of it?  Wondering why she wasn’t considered for the role in Black Swan because, according to her, she did ballet until she was 19.  Yes.  You can really tell that she is classically trained from this below video from a few years ago.

Tanya:This reminds me of the best thing I’ve read this week: Nicolas Cage’s son Weston Cage doing karate outside a restaurant.

(Pic: The Superficial)

What a stupid asshole.

I am sorry if that sounds harsh but it is true.  Lindsay Lohan has been ordered to appear in court this morning as she failed a court appointed alcohol test which, apparently, staying sober was a part of the terms of her probation.  All after an article in Life and Style ran, quoting her as saying “Alcohol is not in my house, so it’s just not a part of my life.”  Riiiiight.

What.  Are you trying to tell me you aren’t supposed to be drinking and having roof top parties when you are under house arrest?  What kind of world is this?

I hope finally finally she will have the proverbial book thrown at her, because she has proven time and time again she doesn’t respect any one or any laws.  I wonder what excuse she will come up with this time?  That she didn’t know it was a part of her probation.  Or that someone spilled alcohol in her mouth accidentally before she took the test.  Are that the test was faulty.  Or that everyone is out to get her.  No Lindsay.  The only one who is out to get you is yourself.  Think about that.

Tanya: Face. Punch.

(Pic: The Superficial)

Wow.  If being under house arrest means getting to hang out all day with my friends drinking and having a party, well then sign me up!

Lindsay Lohan is showing us how sorry she is and how seriously she is taking her house arrest by having a roof top party with her closest friends and changing outfits for the paparazzi to take photos of her.

Question.  If you are under house arrest shouldn’t they make it a little more like jail?  Like, no friends?  Or no drinking?  Or something, anything, to make it difficult for the person who is supposed to be paying a debt to society?

Tanya: Based on her addiction issues she should probably have a “no drugs or alcohol” condition of her house arrest but hey, what do I know? The California legal system has been doing this longer than me and knows what disciplinary measures work best (insert giant eye roll here).