Yesterday, Dina Lohan said that Lindsay is doing so super great that she plans on opening her own rehab facility so that she can help others.

“Lindsay actually wants to open up her own rehab center here (in Los Angeles) and a couple across the country to help other kids and celebs so they don’t fall through the cracks in this town,” Dina said. “She mentioned it to me a couple of days ago. She’s really growing up.”

But today, Lindsay Lohan has checked into rehab. Uh, sober people don’t go to rehab. Unless they think that going to rehab will get them out of jail…

Lindsay Lohan’s new lawyer has a rehab facility that he started after his kid overdosed and Lindz has now checked into that facility. Her friends have been stopping by bringing her things to help her ‘cope’.

This whole thing seems ridiculous to me. If she really is a mess it’s good that she’s going to rehab, but she shouldn’t get too comfy there because she’s due to check in for her short term stay in jail in a few days.

Stacey: Lets assume for a minute that Lindsay is, in fact, sober.  The only reason she is doing this is to get out of going to jail.  I think I would try anything to stay out of jail too, but yet again Lindsay is showing how she isn’t willing to own up to her own mistakes.  And really, she isn’t going to learn anything from rehab because she truly doesn’t believe she has a problem.  And as cliche as it sounds, the first step is admitting there is a problem.  If she doesn’t think she has a problem, what is she going to get out of rehab?  Plus, she isn’t really that “good” at rehab.  Isn’t this like her 4th time?

(pic: Celebitchy)

(Pic: Dlisted)

I am apologizing in advance for how crusty and mean I am about to sound.  But if there was ever any doubt that this girl deserved to go to jail and have the key thrown away, it has now been erased with her irresponsible and inappropriate comments on Twitter.

From her Twitter:

It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights that “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.” This was taken from an article by Erik Luna. “November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission….” Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years: Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules.

These rights and laws that you speak of above were designed to save people across the world who are being subjected to atrocities such as genocide, persecution for your race or religion, torture at the hands of dictators, women who are raped as a form of legal punishment, an Iranian woman who is possibly going to get stoned to death, whom she also referenced.  That’s who these laws were written to protect, not to protect spoiled brats from a jail that the deserve because of their continued disregard for laws that the rest of the country has to adhere to.

I don’t think that we ever truly got a glimpse at the complete and utter selfishness that Lindsay possesses until this moment.  The audacity that she has to invoke this kind of imagery is unbelievable and delusional.  Look, I get that going to jail would totally and completely suck.  But DEAL WITH IT! I am totally done with this girl.

Like Tanya said to me the other day…she just doesn’t get it, does she?

Tanya: Maybe I’m delusional too, but I’m going to chose to believe that she is actually trying to raise awareness for a woman who is about to be stoned to death for adultery and that this is not just about her. But of course, everything Lindsay says or does is about Lindsay so I’m sure she’s drawing attention to this because of the “parallels of that woman’s unfair suffering to her own”. Which is kinda true actually, both engaged in activities that they knew carried consequences and both are being punished for them in a way that is seen fit by their culture.

(Pic: static.tvguide.com)

Sorry Kim Kardashian.  I don’t care how great your ass is, I don’t think we can be friends anymore.

From her Twitter:

Sending positivity your way @LindsayLohan Love you! Everyone please send LL your sweet prayers. U never know when someone really needs it

Save your prayers from someone who actually needs them.   Someone with a sickness deserves your prayers, someone who has lost a loved one deserves your prayers, someone who can’t feed themselves or their children deserves your prayers.  A spoiled rotten Hollywood starlet who has squandered her life of opportunity, thumbed her nose at the legal system and is now only remorseful because she is finally paying the consequences for her mistakes most certainly does not need your prayers.

I get that maybe she is trying to be a good friend, but a good friend would have helped her out before hand and tried to keep her on the straight and narrow then, not now.

Tanya, I love you, but if you ever do any of the things that Lindsay Lohan has done, I would try to help you but I would bust your balls in the process and tell you that you need to straighten yourself out.  And if you still continued to do the things Lindsay did, I would visit you in jail but I would tell you that you deserved to be there.  And I would be there to pick you up when you got out but I would be watching your ass to ensure that you stayed out of trouble and get you any help you needed.  That’s what good friends do.  Not this superficial bull sh*t “sending my prayers”.   If that’s what she considers friendship to be than I want no part of it.  Even if it means no more booty.

Tanya: I agree that if she was a real friend she would have been there before it all hit the fan. But, I do think that Lindz needs the support. And while Tweeting about “sending prayers” isn’t the same as telling your friend straight up that they need to get it together, it is a show of public support at a time when Lindsay is getting it from absolutely every angle. So I’m gonna give Kim extra brownie points for standing up for a friend when everyone else has turned against them.

Yeah, yeah. More Lindsay Lohan posts. You know the next two weeks are going to be a disaster before she gets locked up so you might as well get used to it now.

Socialite Lifehas this photo of Lindsay Lohan in court yesterday and take a look at her nail polish. That’s right, it says “F*ck U” on her middle finger. Super appropriate for court. Good thinking Lindz.

Stacey: Yup.  Even in the most serious of times she can’t act appropriately.  She can’t even dress appropriately.  Was she wearing pajamas yesterday?  Yeesh!

And can we please discuss her horrible vajina lips?  What in the name of Daffy Duck is going on with her lips?  She looks like she is growing a duck’s bill.  And those big black bags under her eyes.  Girl is looking rough!

Lindsay Lohan’s court date didn’t go so well today, mainly because she has shown a pattern of irresponsibility and inability to own up to her actions. As a result she is sentenced to 90 days in jail starting on July 20, 2010. The judge wanted to throw away the key this afternoon but her lawyer asked them to put it off for two weeks. Lindsay also asked that they remove the SCRAM bracelet for that time period but the judge said “no”.

Stacey: Are we all bad people for rejoicing that Lindsay is going to jail?

I was sad for our world last night when every news channel I turned to had the urgent and breaking news that Lilo was headed to the poky.  And what I fear that this will do is only rocket Lindz back into the spot light.  Please.  When she goes to jail, gets out of jail, goes to rehab, gets out of rehab; its going to be a media circus.  And people are going to want to hear her story.  Like when Paris got out and she went on Larry King.  Its sad really.

And one of two things is going to happen here.  Either she is going to get clean and stay on the straight and narrow or we are about to see downward spiral of epic proportions.  I hope its the former.

Tanya: Even my dad called me last night to talk about this. “I just saw it on the news and I’m glad! It’s about time! If any of us tried to buy our way out of trouble like she does we’d all be in jail 10 times over”.

(pic: TMZ)

Today Lindsay Lohan goes back to court for that pesky probation violation that she was totally framed for. When you violate your probation your first time you usually get a harsher probation, but then the second time it’s straight to the slammer. What most people don’t realize is that most people in jail are not there for murder or bank robbing, they’re there because they broke their probation.

Lindsay Lohan has a few strikes against her, shall we recap?

• Missed court dates
• Disrespect for the court and the judge
• Lying to the judge
• Violating probation on two counts: setting off her SCRAM bracelet & missing alcohol education classes

Why do we put people like this in jail? Well, locking them away is cheaper than having all these hearings for new violations and whatnot, and also because people who show a complete disregard for the law like this need to be taught that the law is the law. Just because it’s inconvenient for you doesn’t make it go away.

So today is the day that Lindsay Lohan might go to jail for being a straight up idiot. Check beck and we’ll keep you posted!

Stacey: I want to say she deserves to go to jail but that would be pretty harsh.  But she needs it.  The really nasty part of me thinks “Throw that bitch in jail” and the not so nasty part of me thinks she needs someone who truly cares about her to help clean up her act.  But seeing as she is such a fame whore and takes no responsibility for anything that happens to her, clearly the clink is the right place for her.  Just to scare her a bit. 

(pic: Socialite Life)

(Pic: .mirror.co.uk)

Happy birthday.  Now here’s a punch in the face!

According to Us Weekly, that’s how it went down for Lindsay Lohan when she was out celebrating her 41st 24th birthday last night.  She was out at a club in LA hanging out with Doug Reinhardt when a waitress walked up and punched her in the face.  Apparently, the waitress has a history with Doug and was jealous and hit Lindsay “for no reason”.

You know, I would feel bad if this happened to any other person other than Lindsay but this girl brings it on herself.  What is she doing hanging out with another of Paris’ ex boyfriends anyways?  And why is she always out at clubs?  Shouldn’t someone who is trying to repair her image maybe stay at home one night a week?

Tanya: Because it’s her birthday I’m going to let Lindz in a little secret: Clubs = trouble. I know, I know, that’s a little too deep for the Friday of a long weekend, but let me explain. People don’t generally walk up and punch you in the face unless they’ve been drinking. And people don’t get pulled over under suspicion of driving under the influence unless they’re driving recklessly, which also tends to happen after you’ve been partaking in drugs or alcohol, both of which tend to happen at the clubs. And the photos of people who look like they couldn’t even tell you which way was up? You guessed it; those pictures of wasted celebrities get taken right outside of the club.

I can’t guarantee that Lindsay Lohan won’t get punched in the face if she goes to see a late night movie, but I’d say it’s less likely to happen there than if she went to the club.

But, uh, Happy Birthday Lindz. Hopefully this upcoming year is better than the last one has been.

(Pic: image3.examiner.com)

(Thanks to Superficial for the quotes)

Robert Pattinson was recently asked about the whole Kristen Stewart using the term “rape” when describing being hounded for photographs.  We discussed it briefly here, but over all decided we still love her.

Apparently, R Patz didn’t take to kindly to it.

That whole system of Internet journalists, where no one is called to account, is almost entirely about hate. All these people get away with doing it because they have no responsibility to anyone.”

All they need is to get a salacious headline and people click on it, because it’s easy. And it’s quite good being part of these ‘Twilight’ films because you have to give so many interviews all the time, you can defend yourself. That’s the only way. All of us stick together, as well. There are so many little nerds behind their computers, on their little blogs”

*Pfft!*  Nerds?  Nerds?

Well, maybe we are a little but…..but……We’re rubber and you’re glue and what ever you say bounces off of us and sticks to you.

To be fair, we do get to say whatever we want without much repercussion.  But, I would also say it to their faces too.  Would I tell Ashton Kutcher he is a douche?  Totally.  Would  I tell Coco I love her ass?  Hells ya!  Would I tell Lindsay Lohan to get her crap together.  Absolutely!  Would I tell Kristen she used an inappropriate word to describe something, that while it is intrusive, isn’t as bad as being raped?  Yes I would.  And if that makes me a nerd then so be it!

I am Nerd, hear me roar!

Tanya: I LOVE the photo you used for this. So appropriate. Pift. Whatever RPattz. You think we don’t know we’re nerds? ‘Cause we totally do. And we know that we’re a little more open because we don’t have any accountability to anyone. So there!

(Pic: Teesbox.com)

Well, I guess this time she WAS telling the truth.

Apparently, Lindsay has been cleared in the whole SCRAM bracelet going off debacle.  After subjuecting to a urine test at 10:00 am that morning, the test came back negative for traces of alcohol.

Am I a bad person for being disappointed by this news?

Update:

Radar (via Celebitchy) is now reporting that not only was she definitely drinking between 12:00 and 3:00 am on the morning in question, she also allegedly tampered with the bracelet which is why the Judge determined she was in violation of her probation.

So, who knows what is actually going on.  My question is who long does alcohol stay in your urine?

Tanya: I guess alcohol can be detected in your urine for up to four days (source), but if she had a test this morning it would be to determine if she had been drinking recently. I’m glad homegirl is passing her sobriety tests, I just hope that this keeps up and she doesn’t go hog wild once the detector is off.

(Pic: The Superficial)

We at I Smell Smut don’t often get to comliment Lindsay Lohan because, well, she is generally a giant train wreck.  But I do have to admit something.  When I saw these clearly stagged photos of Lindsay working out with her sister, Ali, I was actually kind of impressed.

Why you may ask?  Well, girl looks like she has put on some much need meat on her bones.  Remember when she looked like this?  And this?

At least she is making headway in one area of her life.  She looks a lot healthier.  Plus she has, like, the biggest boobs.

Now if she could get the rest of her poop in a group…