Dina Lohan on daughter Lindsay:

“Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay”

“So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list”

If so many of the greatest people in showbiz are doing then why is Lindsay?

Oh.  Dina thinks that Lindsay is actually in the same feild as Oprah and Beyonce?  Seriously?

………………….

Bwaaahahaha.  Ahahahahaa.   Oooooooo.  That’s a knee slapper.

This bitch is more delusional than I thought.

Tanya: I will now ALWAYS refer to her as “Lindsay Lohan”. Sometimes I used to just call her Lindz, but now I can’t based on the principle of Dina Lohan being an insane person. Just like I can’t call Katie Holmes “Kate Holmes” like Tom Cruise asked us to.

Lindsay Lohan at the Knicks game last night looking like she really has her shit together.

Stacey, this made me think of you. Not because of Lindsay’s superior buttoning skills, but because you’re headed home from Miami after spring break. This is what I imagine the rest of the passengers on your flight look like.

Doesn’t it totally look like she’s trying to discretely talk to something perched on her left shoulder? Let me Photoshop something in to help with the visual:

"Charlie, I don't think that's a good idea..."

A miniature Charlie Sheen sitting on Lindsay Lohan’s shoulder telling her what to do actually makes the things she does make sense.

Stacey: Yes, I did see a lot of this down in Miami.  And much worse.  Yes.  It is possible to look sluttier and more of a train wreck than this.  Believe it.

(pic: The Superficial)

One word: crap. I have been reading every gossip website today and there is just nothing good to write about. I’m sorry if you’ve been checking the site and are full of the yawns due to slow posting. So to spice up your day a bit here is a picture of 3 people I’d love to punch in the face and some other dude who gets two face punches just for hanging out with them.

If you don’t believe me about the gossip drought, here’s the days highlights:

• Gwyneth Paltrow did not get a record deal
• Jonah Hill lost weight
• Ja Rule is starting his jail sentence in June
• Lindsay Lohan is still not going to jail, neither is Mel Gibson

(pic: JustJared)

Based on the headline and Lindsay Lohan’s history of making bad legal decisions (and doing cocaine) you’d probably think that she just blew her chances of not going to jail. Unfortunately that is not what is happening here.

What is going on here is that the jeweller who claims Lindsay Lohan stole from him sold his surveillance tape to the media which violates all kinds of rules of how to behave in an ongoing investigation. Now the jeweller has little credibility or case to go on, Lindsay Lohan will probably not stand trial and we’ll probably have to hear from Dina or Micheal Lohan in some kind of press conference or TV interview how Lindsay is always being unfairly targeted and taken advantage of.

Whatever. Lindz gets to be the “victim” in this which is what she wants and the jewellery store owner got lots of press and probably a nice chunk of coin for selling the tape. The only people who lose here are us.

(pic: The Superficial)

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are apparently back together ’cause nothing helps you move on from your past than rekindling destructive relationships.

Most celebs we talk about punching in the face are the ones that are so stupid or full of themselves that you just want to punch some sense into them, but I want to punch Sam Ronson in the face for a different reason: to see if it gets rid of the smirk. I get that the smirk is like her trademark or whatever but I hate it. Just like I’d like to punch Avril Lavigne’s highlights right off her head.

Stacey: I KNOW!  How did that smirk come about?  Who suggested it?  While you are punching Sam-Ro to get the smirk off her face, I will be punching the person who suggested it in the first place.

(pic: The Superficial)

(Pic: Celebitchy)

“I would never steal, in case people are wondering. I was not raised to lie, cheat, or steal”

“also, what i wear to court shouldnt be front page news. it’s just absurd. god bless xox L”

I don’t think anyone is ever raised TO lie, cheat, or steal.  But people do it.

Oh.  And if you don’t think that what you are wearing should be front page news, then stop talking about it.  And as if the whole point of what you wore wasn’t to get you on the front page.  You may not have been raised to lie, cheat, or steal, but you were raised as an entitled, selfish, disrespectful brat who craves the spotlight.  Just sayin.

Tanya: This girl makes me roll my eyes so much I think they might just pop out of my eye sockets and quit on me. All her court dates have all been front page news, why wouldn’t this one be? And we always talk about how Lindz dresses like a whore for court (too harsh?) so why would this time be any different? You know how to not make front page news? Don’t steal stuff, don’t try to show the judge any cleave or clit, and start treating this things like they’re actual problems – because they are.

(Pics: The Superficial)

Have you checked out ISS’s new and improved “About” tab?  Well, if not, you should.

You know the part where I say I am normally the more mean spirited between Tanya and I?  Well, if you can’t handle my mean spirited-ness I would recommend you click away right now as this post may seem a bit nasty.

Ugh.  I have been resisting the urge to post about Lindsay Lohan and her latest crack-head drama involving an alleged stolen necklace.  But after looking through pictures of her in court yesterday, I could no longer resist.

Ummm, does this bitch always look this stupid?  Seriously.  Look at that face.  That blank, vacant stare like she really doesn’t understand what is happening.

Yesterday I said to Tanya that I had a hard time believing that Lindsay was stupid enough to steal a necklace when she is on probabtion on top of everything else that has happened over the last year.  But I am starting to wonder…maybe she actually isthat stupid.  I mean, that would account for a lot of her behavior right?  Maybe she does not have the mental capacity to understand the seriousness of each situation that she is in.  Think about it.  If a person does not have the cognitive ability to grasp the consequences for their actions, can we really blame them for their behavior?  It’s like yelling at a dog for continually jumping on a couch.  They truly do not understand why you are yelling at them.  Maybe that is the case with Lindsay?  It would certainly account for her continued disregard for the law and for other human beings.  Maybe she is so stupid she really doesn’t get it?

Too mean?  Maybe.  True?  Possibly.  And it is really the only explanation for this outfit and why one would ever wear something like this to court.

Tanya: You’ve actually hit the legal nail on the head. In order to be charged with something you have to have mens rea and actus reus which pretty much means “guilty mind” and “guilty act”. If I am walking through a store and I brush up against the wall and something falls into my cart and I leave I have the guilty act (it’s stolen property) but not the guilty mind (I really didn’t mean to). On the flip side, if I daydream and fantasize about smothering my husband to death with a pillow every night but never actually go through with it I can’t be charged because even though I am planning murder, I’ve never actually done anything. (side note: being ignorant of the law or being coked up and absent minded does not excuse you from breaking the law, that just puts you under criminal negligence which will still get you sent to jail)

What might be more appropriate for Lindsay Lohan, and what you’ve also touched on, is actually the rules that apply to children. We have Youth Laws and Youth Court because children and youth don’t often realize the greater impact of their actions and you can’t expect a kid, or even a youth, to have the same cognitive ability or larger understanding of things that you can an adult. A 5 year old might try to throw their younger sibling down the stairs, knowing full well it will hurt them, but not realizing that this can kill them and that killing their sibling is actually a very bad thing. How often did you hurt your siblings as a kid? Me & my bother fought all the time and I did actually try to throw him down the stairs. Had I succeeded and aside from just hurting him and getting back at him for playing with my stuff he may have died. But are you going to throw me in prison for that at 5 years old? I didn’t really mean to kill him, nor would I have fully understood what killing someone really means. Small children steal stuff all the time but shouldn’t be charged for it because they don’t always understand it’s stealing. They just see something they like and grab it from the shelf from their stroller. If the parent doesn’t notice, it may leave the store with them. Are you going to charge that 2 year old with a felony?

Does Lindsay Lohan not have the cognitive ability to realize the implications of her actions? Sometimes it really seems that way. But if that is the case it’s basically saying that she is mentally retarded and shouldn’t be able to make decisions without the help of a responsible adult and should be put under conservatorship a la Britney Spears.

Personally, I think she knows full well what she is doing and just expects that she can get away with it.

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This is amusing. Some magazine (I think it was OK! but I grabbed this list from I’m Not Obsessed) did a poll on who the most and least desirable celebrity spouses are and this is what they came up with:

Least Desirable Celebrity Husband:

1: Charlie Sheen
2: Mel Gibson
3: Tom Cruise
4: Mickey Rourke
5: Pete Doherty
6: Marilyn Manson
7: David Hasselhoff
8: Ricky Gervais
9: Chris Moyles
10: Wayne Rooney

Least Desirable Celebrity Wife:

1: Amy Winehouse
2: Lindsay Lohan
3: Britney Spears
4: Heather Mills
5: Gwyneth Paltrow
6: Katie Holmes
7: Lady Gaga
8: Madonna
9: Nicole Kidman
10: Sarah Jessica Parker

Most Desirable Celebrity Wife:

1: Natalie Portman
2: Megan Fox
3: Katy Perry
4: Kate Moss
5: Gisele Bundchen
6: Cheryl Cole
7: Christina Hendricks
8: Rihanna
9: Kim Kardashian
10: Kate Middleton

Most Desirable Celebrity Husband:

1: Prince Harry
2: Justin Bieber
3: Robert Pattinson
4: David Beckham
5: Russell Brand
6: Colin Firth
7: Prince William
8: George Clooney
9: Piers Morgan
10: Brad Pitt

I agree with most of the “Least Desirable” spouses list but the “Most Desirable” ones are a bit off. Kate Moss & Gisele Bundchen?? Kate Moss is about as desirable and Pete Doherty and Gisele Bundchen sounds like she takes away your balls once she gets the ring.  As for the men, well, we see the problems right off the bat: Prince Harry and Justin Bieber. Bieber’s balls haven’t dropped yet and Prince Harry would probably be one of those “you’re probably going to see something in the tabloids that looks really bad, but it totally isn’t what it looks like” kinda guys. He’d be fun to date, but I’d say not a desirable husband.

Stacey: Clearly this poll came from somewhere overseas and was filled out by Brits and 12 year olds.  Because people like Kate Moss and Cheryl Cole would not even hit the radar over here.  Ok, Russell Brand over Brad Pitt?  That just doesn’t seem right.

(Pic: Calgary Herald)

I don’t know if I am just a bitter and angry bitch this morning but every story I read made me either snort in disgust, roll my eyes in contempt or laugh because, well, because I couldn’t believe that it was actually news worthy.  And for some reason, the majority of them were from Us Weekly.  Weird.

And because there really isn’t a whole heck of a lot going on celeb smut wise or anything really inspiring me to write anything, I will just give you a few of the stories that have been annoying me today so that you can share in my anger and contempt:

Lindsay Lohan “beaming” post rehab appearance. Beaming?  Sorry, but I think she looks like sh*t – Us Weekly

Natalie Portman getting all weepy over her fiance/baby daddy – Us Weekly

Some Bachelorette lost 10 lbs…who cares? – Us Weekly

Some Bachelor is in love…ya right, like we haven’t heard that before: People

They keep putting Olivia Munn on magazine covers….seriously, who IS this chick? – Just Jared

Lindsay Lohan’s new BFF is Tom Hardy – Celebitchy

Tanya: Tom Hardy might actually be a good “sober coach” for Lindsay Lohan. He seems to have it together pretty well and from what I hear he was a total mess before. More of a mess than Lindsay, so we’ll see.

For the record: the dude in that photo is not Tom Hardy. It’s some jeweller. If you’re like me and stared at that pic thinking “wth happened to Tom Hardy??” the answer is “nothing”.

(Pic: Celebitchy)

So Lindsay Lohan has only been out of rehab for one day and already she is wreaking havoc.  Well, not completely, but she is causing problems.

Apparently, she moved our of her old house to have a fresh start into a new pad on Venice Beach.  Great place to start anew, right?

Wrong.  She moved into the house directly beside that of ex-girlfriend, Sam Ronson (above).  Which Lilo claims she did not know lived there.

Right.  Of all the houses in all of Venice Beach she could have rented, she just so happens, coincidentally, to move in beside her ex-girlfriend, whom she didn’t know lived there?  Sorry, but I am not buying it.  Moving into a house she knew was next door to her old flame?  That I buy.

Its not really starting fresh if she did plan it.  Really it is just starting exactly where she left off, situationally, just in a different house.

In other Lindsay Lohan news, she is apparently being investigated by the police for probation violations linked to that little scuffle she had with a Betty Ford staff member.  Ya, whatever.  Even if she is in violation, its not like anything will happen anyways.