Michael Bay (director of Transformers, aka Hitler) took some time out from doing Hitler-y things to do a service to his country: direct a Victoria’s Secret commercial. If I am ever in a movie  I want to be filmed doing action scenes in my underwear like these ladies. After I hit the gym hard. Say what you will about Megan Fox being a dim bulb or a bad actress, Micheal Bay makes her (and these ladies) look HOT.

Stacey: It’s true.  Michael catches a lot of flack but he knows what men want to see; nearly naked chicks doing action sequences.

A while back Megan Fox said that working with Michael Bay was like working with Hitler and hasn’t been shy about letting out her true (unhappy) feelings about the set of Transformers.

Well, in an awesome smutty fashion three crew members wrote a letter about what it was like to have Megan on set and have posted it on Michael Bay’s website. It’s so good.

“This is an open letter to all Michael Bay fans. We are three crew members that have worked with Michael for the past ten years. Last week we read the terrible article with inflammatory, truly trashing quotes by the Ms. Fox about Michael Bay. This letter is to set a few things straight.

“Yes, Megan has great eyes, a tight stomach we spray with glycerin, and an awful silly Marilyn Monroe tattoo plastered on her arm that we cover up to keep the moms happy.

“Michael found this shy, inexperienced girl, plucked her out of total obscurity thus giving her the biggest shot of any young actresses’ life. He told everyone around to just trust him on his choice. He granted her the starring role in Transformers, a franchise that forever changed her life; she became one of the most googled and oogled women on earth. She was famous! She was the next Angelina Jolie, hooray! Wait a minute, two of us worked with Angelina ‘ second thought ‘ she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelina is a professional.

“We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies. We’ve spent a total of 12 months on set making these two movies.

“We are in different departments; we can’t give our names because sadly doing so in Hollywood could lead to being banished from future Paramount work. One of us touches Megan’s panties, the other has the often s–ty job of pulling Ms. Sour pantsout of her trailer, while another is near the Panaflex camera that helps to memorialize the valley girl on film.

“Megan has the press fooled. When we read those magazines we wish we worked with that woman. Megan knows how to work her smile for the press. Those writers should try being on set for two movies, sadly she never smiles. The cast, crew and director make Transformers a really fun and energetic set. We’ve traveled around the world together, so we have never understood why Megan was always such ‘ the grump of the set?

“When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) easily another 45 minutes in the chair!

“So when the three of us caught wind of Ms. Fox, pontificating yet again in some publication (like she actually has something interesting to say) blabbing her trash mouth about a director whom we three have grown to really like. She compared working with Michael, to ‘working with Hitler‘. We actually don’t think she knows who Hitler is by the way. But we wondered how she doesn’t realize what a disgusting, fully uneducated comment this was? Well, here let’s get some facts straight.

“Say what you want about Michael ‘ yes at times he can be hard, but he’s also fun, and he challenges everyone for a reason ‘ he simply wants people to bring their ‘A’ game. He comes very prepared, knows exactly what he wants, involves the crew and expects everyone to follow through with his or her best, and that includes the actors. He’s one of the hardest working directors out there.

“He gets the best from his crews, many of whom have worked with him for 15 years. And yes, he’s loyal, one of the few directors we’ve encountered who lowered his fee by millions to keep Transformers in the United States and California, so he could work with his own crew.

“Megan says that Transformers was an unsafe set? Come on Megan, we know it is a bit more strenuous then the playground at the trailer park, but you don’t insult one of the very best stunt and physical effects teams in the business! Not one person got hurt!

“And who is the real Megan Fox? She is very different than the academy nominee and winning actors we’ve all worked around. She’s as about ungracious a person as you can ever fathom. She shows little interest in the crew members around her. We work to make her look good in every way, but she’s absolutely never appreciative of anyone’s hard work. Never a thank you. All the crewmembers have stopped saying hi to Ms. Princess because she never says hello back. It gets tiring. Many think she just really hates the process of being an actress.

“Megan has been late to the sets many times. She goes through the motions that make her exude this sense of misery. We’ve heard the A.D’s piped over the radio that Megan won’t walk from her trailer until John Turturro walks first! John’s done seventy-five movies and she’s made two!

“Never expect Megan to attend any of the 15 or so crew parties like all the other actors have. And then there’s the classless night she blew off The Royal Prince of Jordan who made a special dinner for all the actors. She doesn’t know that one of the grips daughters wanted to visit their daddy’s work to meet Megan, but he wouldn’t let them come because he told them ’she is not nice.’

“The press certainly doesn’t know her most famous line. On our first day in Egypt, the Egyptian government wouldn’t let us shoot because of a permit problem as the actors got ready in make up at the Four Seasons Hotel. Michael tried to make the best of it; he wanted to take the cast and crew on a private tour of the famous Giza pyramids. God hold us witness, Megan said, “I can’t believe Michael is f—ing forcing us to go to the f—ing pyramids!” I guess this is the ‘Hitler guy’ she is referring to.

So this is the Megan Fox you don’t get to see. Maybe she will learn, but we figure if she can sling insults, then she can take them too. Megan really is a thankless, classless, graceless, and shall we say unfriendly b—-. It’s sad how fame can twist people, and even sadder that young girls look up to her. If only they knew who they’re really looking up to.”

“But ‘Fame’ is fleeting. We, being behind the scenes, seen em’ come and go. Hopefully Michaelwill have Megatron squish her character in the first ten minutes of Transformers 3. We can tell you that will make the crew happy! -Loyal Transformers Crew”

The letter has since been pulled and Michael Bay and he said in response “I don’t condone the crew letter to Megan. And I don’t condone Megan’s outlandish quotes. But her crazy quips are part of her crazy charm. The fact of the matter I still love working with her, and I know we still get along. I even expect more crazy quotes from her on Transformers 3. Michael”

Hahahah, sooo good.

(Uber big thanks to JustJared who caught the full letter before it was pulled!)

Stacey: Love it.  This is the stuff that smutty dreams are made of!  Bitchy, retaliatory, juvenile, anonymous letters….amazing.

I love this story for so many reasons.  A few weeks ago Megan opened her garbage dump of a mouth and took a swipe at the man who made her famous, Michael Bay.  Something to the effect that his movies are only special effects packed and aren’t known for the acting, to which Michael replied:

“Well, that’s Megan Fox for you. She says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do. You roll your eyes when you see statements like that and think, “Okay Megan, you can do whatever you want. I got it.”

Love it.  Bay 1, Fox 0.

But now The Guardian is reporting that Megan said Bay auditioned her in a very unusual way.  Allegedly, when Megan went to Bay’s house to audition rather than making her read lines, he had her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her.  Whats amazing is that not only does Megan agree to be video taped but she actually admits to doing it.  However, in her admittance that she is a total skank (which we already knew), she also makes Bay look like a creepy old pervert.

Point 1 for Fox.

And then when it, Michael said the tape in question has “disappeared”.  Disappeared, Michael, or was wrecked from over use?

Tanya: Being videotaped washing a car seems like an appropriate audition for this role. They don’t need someone who can act (obviously). They need someone who looks hot with cars. You wouldn’t interview someone for a modelling job by giving them long division questions; you’d make them parade around in revealing clothing so you can check out the goods to see if they’ll sell. Samesies.