(Pic: www.doseofgossip.com)

Lindsay Lohan was seen leaving the bar (seriously?!?!?) with Paris and Nicky Hilton (those bitches are friends again? Great….) where she fell flat on her face (not the picture above).

And of course, because nothing is ever Lindsay Lohan’s fault, she took to her Twatter account (she is a twat so for her it is Twatter) to blame everyone but herself.

Omg, I’m so embarrassed, paparazzi just blinded me with flashes again, as I was walking into dinner. They pushed me and I tripped hurt…

Right.  She fell because she was pushed.

You know, maybe we believed her the first time…or maybe the second time.  But after the millionth time of her falling on her stupid face it would dawn upon her that the lowest common denominator in all of these scenarios is herself and not other people?  Of course not.  Because she is special.  And nothing is ever her fault.

Just a thought.  But maybe someone who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic who tested positive for alcohol while she was on probation  and also trying to convince the public that she has changed should not be hanging out at a bar with another person who has been convicted of driving while under the influence.  Just a thought.

That is how desperate Paris and Lindsay Lohan are now…no one else will hang out with them so they have to hang out with each other.

Tanya: You know, if something is a problem – fix it. You always fall because you wear too high shoes? Either get some flats or hire some people to help you walk (like Lady Gaga does). You always fall because the paparazi push you? Get a body guard. You always fall because you’re crazy plastered? Drink a little less or leave arm in arm with a friend. You always fall because the paparazi flashes are too bright? Wear sunglasses.

Hilton was leaving for Europe, Simkin writes, and he alleges he brought her a little Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy for her trip.

“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.”

So Paris’s ‘snatch’ is kinda like a glove compartment. Or 12x8x16 storage container. Forget calling that “classic” that’s straight up “handy”.

Stacey:Ya, kind of like a glove compartment; dark, musty, and holds useless crap in it.  Zing!

Holy sh*t!  How loose and cavernous would some one’s vagina have to be to comfortably store a cigarette pack up there?  Gross!

PS.  I totally love the word “snatch”.  It makes be giggle.

PPS. This is my favorite story of today.  Hands down.

(source: The Hollywood Reporter)

Fact: Paris Hilton’s mugshot turned out better than most photos you and I have ever been in.

Stacey: Thats because she has had lots of practice.

(pic: The Superficial)

Paris Hilton, her magical cleavage and her bf Cy Waits were arrested in Las Vegas for possession of cocaine. Cy Waits is also getting a DUI charge. They were pulled over by a cop who noticed what appeared to be marijuana smoke coming from the car.

You’d think after getting busted for pot possession just a few months ago that she’d keep her drug use on the down-low, but this is Paris Hilton we’re talking about.

Stacey: Apparently her excuse is the purse she was caring that had the coke in it wasn’t hers, same as the weed.  I thought that excuse only worked on your parents when you got caught smoking for the first time?

But if we have learned anything from the celebrities and the law is that she will probably get off with a slap on the wrist, just like Lilo.

Tanya: Remember when she got time in jail for blowing 0.08? Paris Hilton has gotten pretty harsh sentences before and because this is the third time getting caught with drugs this summer I’m pretty sure she’s going to get in trouble.

(pic: Socialite Life)

(Pic: Us Weekly)

So, this weekend, my dear friend Joy, and Heidi Klum double, asked me whats with all the Paris Hilton hate?  After all, we do call her The Unmentionable.  So I told her I hate the fact that she is contributing to the idea that being a stupid blond who is good for nothing but their looks and/or body is not only okay but acceptable and the norm.  Have you ever heard Paris speak?  And not in that baby doll voice she uses but her real voice?  Its not the same.  This girl is not stupid.  She has a carefully crafted image that is easily digestible to the public that she is making money off of; horny males and young, impressionable teenage girls.  Which is the worst demographic to feed the image to because they both believe that image is real and desirable.

But after feeling bad for bashing one of her fav celebrities I promised her I would try to be nicer to Paris in the future.  I immediately regretted saying it because I knew I would have a hard time keeping that promise but I love Joy so much that I knew I had to make the effort.

And this is the first picture of Paris I have seen since this discussion so I thought this was as good a time as any to try to start being nice so here goes nothing…

Ummmm…..

Nice boobies?

Tanya: Paris Hilton is pretty flat so I’m always impressed/confused when she pulls out the super cleavage. Where do these mysterious boobs come from?

(Pic: The Superficial)

I am not really sure what to say about this horrendousness except ewwwwwww.  I am not even sure horrendousness is a word but this level of unattractiveness deserves its own word.

This girl is so gross.  So. Gross.

This is why we call her The Unmentionable.

Click here for more of this drunken debauchery.

Tanya: I’m just glad she’s wearing underpants.

Paris Hilton in a cockpit? I couldn’t resist. Heh, Cockpit

Yeah, it’s a low blow but what else do you expect from a slow news day?

Stacey: She sure knows her way around a cock pit. 

Too easy? 

Just like Paris!  Zing!

(pic: Socialite Life)

I’ve been catching up on my gossip and came across this photo…

Normally we’re not very nice to Paris Hilton, but I gotta say that I really like this dress

Stacey: While the dress on its own would be very nice it is sullied by it being worn by The Unmentionable.  And whats with that wonky eye?  I think its from taking one too many money shots without wearing proper eye gear.  But the fake eyelashes she wears makes it look worse.  It makes for some weird angles on camera.

(pic: I’m Not Obsessed)

(Pic: Just Jared)

Here is a lovely picture of Sophia Bush, who I think is super cute, and her current boyfriend, Austin Nichols, out for a stroll going somewhere.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Stacey, why are you posting this picture?  There is absolutely nothing interesting going on here.”  And in asking that, you would be partially right.  They are kinda boring.

But!  What I do find interesting here is that Sophia met Austin on the set of One Tree Hill.  The same place that she met her ex husband, Chad Michael Murray.  Who famously cheated on her with that skank Paris Hilton only 5 months after they got married.  Once they had their marriage annulled, Chad began dating their other One Tree Hill co-star, Kenzie Dalton, to whom he proposed to less that a year after marrying  and divorcing Sophia.

That sh*t is seriously effed up. This guy might be really great and everything I think Sophia should broaden her horizons and date someone outside of the OTH family.  Its a little incestuous.

*On a side note, our spell check does not recognize the word “skank” as a really word.  It recommends that I change is to skunk.  I think that would also be a fitting.

Tanya: I think I caught an STD just reading this post.

(Pic: thedailyfix.com)

Apparently, The Unmentionable and her boy toy, Doug Reinhardt have broken up.  And the world wept.

Recently, ever the eloquent young lady, Paris had this to say about the break up:

I am like so past that — I don’t even care!

I don’t even remember that time in my life.  I am over it.

You don’t remember your life two minutes ago?  Of course you don’t.

Asked about the single life?

I love it! I am having so much fun. A lot of guys have obviously hit on me and I am getting thousands of calls, but I’m not ready to be with anyone.

Thousands?  I am pretty sure that is a gross over exaggeration.

Doug doesn’t appear to be sad either as he was seen making out with another chick, like, minutes after the break up.  He should be happy as he was able to escape the grasps of that horrible pariah.

My only question is will he share his secret of how he got Paris to break up with him, because I want her to break up with being a celebrity.  The world would be better off.

Tanya: Paris will never break up with being a celebrity. It’s in her nature. Like Miss Gwyneth Paltrow. Raised in the public eye I think you just get used to it. Suri & Harlow will probably be the same way & get the sads when they aren’t photographed out shopping.