I Smell Smut

(Pic: blogs.bet.com)

So Tiger Woods just go through with his “apology”…did you see?

In case you didn’t, let me recap it for you:

I’m sorry…blah blah blah…I did something bad…yadda yadda…I’m sorry to the kids all over the world who look up to me…*yawn*…there is no one to blame but me…fake cry, pause for dramatic effect…aaaaand scene.

Ya, that was pretty much it.  And it was lame-o.  He read from a piece of paper, stumbled over his words, seemed contrite and like it was staged and fake.

Sorry Tiger, but I didn’t buy it for a second.  Maybe try showing some real emotion.  Maybe try seeming sincere. Maybe try to appear less like a robot and more like a human.

Noticeably absent was his wife, Elin.  Good for her.  Obviously, he would have needed her to be there in order for most to forgive him.  If she could forgive him, so should the rest of us.  But she hasn’t forgiven him.

We’ll see if everyone else does.

Tanya: My favourite part when when he got a flicker of anger in his eyes and demanded that people leave his family out of it. Think they’ll listen? I’ve also held the belief that Elin attacked him with a golf club for so long now that when Tiger said there “has never been an episode of violence” in his marriage I don’t really believe him.

(Pic: Celbitchy)

In an ironic twist of fate, Joslyn James, one of Tiger Woods many many mistresses, finds her face on Tiger Woods balls rather than have Tiger Woods balls on her face.

Some ball company out there thought it would funny (and I agree) to make a commemorative ball set with the faces of all of his alleged mistresses on it.

Now, what I find extra funny is that this woman is NOT ashamed to come out as one of his probably hundreds of girlfriends, which I personally find completely and totally repulsive and sad, but she is mad that her face is on a set of balls.  She says its because she feels it is encouraging violence towards women.  Actually, I think its to poke fun at the fact that you are all a little slutty, probably thought they were something special, but are really just one in a dozen.  So get over it.  Its funny.

And I just really like the fact that I have been able to say balls so many times in this post.  I giggled each time I wrote it.

BALLS!

Tanya: You know, if anyone else’s series of mistresses got their faces on a bunch of balls I might agree that it’s promoting violence against women. But because Tiger is the most famous golfer of all time, and because these babes love balls, I think it’s appropriate. If she hadn’t made a big deal about it this would probably just be a fun gag, but now that she’s talked about it in national news outlets it’s going to be a very profitable business because everyone knows about Tiger’s balls being all over the ladies, and now his ladies get to be all over the balls. Balls. Balls. Balls.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

So. Good.

Odds that this actually happened? 0.0001%

But it still made my day.

See the caption “Touchy Feely!”? Love it.

Stacey: Ahhahahahahahaa.

Bwaaahahahaaa.

Thats a knee slapper alright.

(Pic: quirkybets.com)

So unless you live under a rock you have probably heard all about Tiger Woods and his alleged “transgressions”.  So far, 13 women have come forward claiming affairs, some of which include porn stars, escorts, and strippers.  At first, he wasn’t coping to anything, pretty much denying anything.  But since these woman have voice mails, pictures, texts, he has had no other choice but to admit what has happened.  And since then, some of his biggest endorsement deals have dropped him; Gatorade and Gillette have been the first.

This weekend Tuger released a statement saying he is taking a break from golf:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

So the question is, if he ever comes back, will the world forgive him?  We forgave Kobe didn’t we?  And will his wife?  Or is this too little too late after being embarrassed in front of the whole world?

Tanya: Gatorade dropped Tiger before this whole thing happened, and Gillette is “limiting” his sponsorship after he said he’s taking an indefinite leave from golf so I don’t think it’s fair to say that all the sponsors are dropping him because of the cheating. If he was still playing I’m sure his sponsors would keep him around, albeit in a limited role.

I’ve gotta say I feel bad for Tiger for how this whole thing has just been HUGE. Yes he brought it upon himself and there is no excuse for his actions but not many other athletes get hounded to this extent when they get busted cheating. Even Kobe who had rape charges against him. And I feel even worse for Elin. It’s got to be devastating to learn of your husbands infidelity, but to have a whole ho train on national television? Not cool. Maybe now the media will back off this for a bit.

Stacey: I don’t feel bad for him for one second.  Sleeping with all those women and, if the rumors were true, without protection.  He was being reckless and irresponsible and put his wife in a position where she couldn’t choose whether or not she wanted to be in a relationship with someone who is sexually promiscuous.  Its selfish and dangerous.  What if he had contracted an STD?  Sorry, but feel bad for Tiger?  I think not.

And I don’t believe for a second that Gatorade was already thinking of dropping him.  And his first major endorsement dropped him over the weekend as well, Accenture.

And while Kobe was accused of rapping that women, I don’t believe he actually did.  Just like Kobe, f Tiger plays well when he comes back, all will be forgotten.  We love winners.

Tanya: “The decision to drop the drink, called Tiger Focus, was first reported by trade publication Beverage Digest in an issue dated Nov. 25, two days before the incident at Woods’ home in Florida. The publication’s editor, John Sicher, said he learned of the decision the week of Nov. 9.” Huffington Post

Robert Downey Jr Gets a Star on the Walk of Fame

OK, so we have been pretty focused on doing some good research for our Hottest Guys of 2009 (read: staring at photos of hot men all day) that we’ve been pretty bad with covering all the other stuff. So here’s a quick roundup of what’s been going on:

Stacey: Sorry for being such bad bloggers lately!  We promise, once finals are done we will have time to re-dedicate ourselves to the smut. 

Tiger Woods has apparently slept with everyone but me & Stacey, or do you have something to tell me Stacey? – People - Stacey: Nope, not sleeping with him. I think we maybe the only ones!

Robert Downey Jr calls Jude Law “Hotson” (get it, Hot Watson?) – Celebitchy - Stacey: He must be reading our Hot Guys list.

Russell Brand wants to give Katy Perry bigger boobs a baby – CNN - Stacey: Better a baby than an STD.

Tea Leoni & David Duchovny for no other reason except that I like them – Lainey Gossip

Weezer’s tour bus was in an accident, Rivers Cuomo is a bit banged up and their remaining concert dates have been cancelled – NME - Stacey – Sad day.

Some Ryan Reynolds at an awards show – PageSix

How much would you pay to NOT have sex with this woman?

Well, multiply that by about a hundred bazillion and that’s what Tiger Woods will be paying to never have sex with Elin Nordegren again. I’m not saying they’re going to get divorced and she’s going to get a crap load in settlements, but I think it’s safe to say that she’s not the “forgive and forget” type.

And for some international fun, here’s a Taiwanese CGI reenactment of what may have happened that night. Props to the cop with the mohawk. Nothing commands respect for authority like a redneck mohawk.

Stacey: Ahahaha, thats hilarious!  For the record, I would pay tens of dollars to not sleep with this woman

(Video: Us Weekly)

Unless you live under a rock you have probably heard about the whole Tiger Woods cheating/wife chasing him with a gold club incident.  Well, turns out this wasn’t the only time.  Us Weekly reported yesterday that another woman has come forward claiming a 30 month affair with the golf star.  My first thought was “ya right”.  You know how it normally goes; once there is one claim of an affair, every hooker under the sun comes forward trying to make a buck.  Well, turns out, there may be something to this one.  This new girl has a voicemail where Woods begs her to change her voicemail as he fears his wife is onto him.

Can I speak for every woman out there who has been cheated and say “asshole”!  Its bad enough to be cheated on but to now be embarrassed by having every raggedy ass mistress come out of the wood works to say they banger your husband?  Ouch.

My hubby said he couldn’t understand why Tiger cheated, his wife is “so hot”.  Well, we all know that isn’t really what cheating is about.

And Tiger must be kicking himself now.  He is known for being fiercely private.  Now we now why; He’s a two timing pig.  He is going to have to work extra hard if he ever wants to get back in the public’s good graces.  I wonder how much money he stands to lose from endorsement deals?  What an idiot.  Risking it all for some extra marital pooty tang.  What a douche.

Tanya: I dunno… Tiger is very private, and this whole situation is a PR disaster. I don’t know where his people are but someone needs to step up and do something. The more secretive he is about this the more we’re going to want to know and the more we’re going to believe something is going on. What’s also weird is that the first alleged mistress that was reported last week is denying the whole thing but she’s also hired a really high profile lawyer. Not sure why she needs it if nothing happened – maybe she’s going to sue the National Enquirer? (lol, I was just able to listen to this – SO BUSTED!!! LOL!!!)

UPDATE: Tiger has released a statement on his website:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

TMZ has some photos of Tiger Woods’ car crash which makes me question the safety of the Escalade – no airbags for this? Tisk tisk.

My hubby and I were taking about this and the question he asked was “what do you tell people if it WAS your wife that attacked you?” and I said to avoid the question all together “last night I was in an accident on my own property and thankfully my wife was first on scene to help me. I have suffered some minor injuries but will be fine in no time. Thank you for your concern.” Done. Acknowledge it, provide no details, move on. Tiger put a statement on his site today that did pretty much that:

As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.

Stacey: I have a feeling we will never truly know what happened that night, but speculating is so much more fun.  As for Tiger though, the fact that he didn’t throw is wife under the proverbial bus after she allegedly attacked him with a gold club is pretty good.  Hey, I am not defending her, but if I found out my hubby was cheating on me and it was plastered all over the front cover of every magazine for the whole world to see, I might chase him with a golf club too.  And the fact that he is protecting her, rather than calling her a crazy bee-atch, shows that he might really be sorry for what he did.  No excuse but still.  Or maybe he just really is an idiot and crashed his car in his own driveway?

First Tiger Woods’ week started with allegations of infidelity, then he busted up his car in his own driveway. The whole thing seems kinda fishy to me so here’s the facts and I’ll let you decide for yourself:

Fact: The single-vehicle accident occurred about 2:25 a.m. in Windermere, a suburb of Orlando, according to police. (CNN)

Fact: Woods pulled out of his driveway in a 2009 Cadillac SUV and struck a fire hydrant, then a tree, according to an incident report from the Florida highway patrol in Orange County. (CNN)

Fact: The airbags on his car didn’t deploy, according to a Florida Highway Patrol report, an indication that he was traveling at under 33 mph. (People)

Fact: “There was Tiger Woods laying on the ground in front of the vehicle with his wife over him rendering first aid,” “He was in and out of consciousness with lacerations to his upper and lower lip,” “He was mumbling but didn’t say anything coherent.” (CNN)

Fact: the accident was not alcohol-related (CNN)

Fact: Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, told the police she was inside the house when she heard the accident. She said she went outside and used a golf club to break out the rear window of the vehicle, then pulled him from the SUV. (CNN)

Fact: State troopers had tried to speak to Woods on Friday as part of a routine car accident investigation, but his wife said he was sleeping (CNN)

Fact: Tiger & Elin were having a fight before the accident (TMZ)

Detective Michael K from Dlisted has connected the dots of this story:

According to a source, Tiger and his wife Elin Nordegren had a fight about the rumor that he’s cheating on her ass with that Rachel Uchitel trick. The argument got violent when Elin attacked Tiger’s face, scratching it up. Bitch showed him who the real tiger in the family is.

That was Tiger’s cue to exit stage left, so he hopped in his Escalade to escape the madness. But Elin wasn’t going to let Tiger get away that easy, so she chased him with a golf club and smashed his back windows. Tiger, who is taking painkillers for an injury, got distracted in all the chaos and crashed into the fire hydrant. The two made up the story that his SUV’s windows were busted out, because Elin broke them with the golf club to save Tiger.

 

Stacey: Oooo, my smutty radar is off the charts with this story!  Finally!  Some good gossip!

Smashed out the windows with a golf club to get him out of the car?  Ya right.  Trying to smash out his windows cause he cheated on her?  Much more likely.  Whats more, according to TMZ, Woods told a source who them told TMZ that he needed to get a “Kobe special” which he described as a “house on a finger”.  If you recall, Kobe Bryant bought his wife Vanessa a 4 million dollar ring after the whole Colorado incident. 

My husband says that horizontal stripes aren’t flattering on me because they accentuate my curves a little too much. As shown here with Jessica Simpson. She goes from “curvy” to “OMG! Look at those hips!!!”. Horizontal stripes make you look wider. It’s a fact.

Short + Wide. Not a good combo.

Stacey: I never ever wear stripes.  I am short and boxy, I have a gymnasts body type.  This dress would look atrocious on me.  The problem with Jess is I think that she thinks she is still tiny.  Because at one time, she probably would have rocked this dress.  Right now, she looks like she is wearing an over stuffed sausage casing.